My narcissistic sister went to my elderly mom's house and without her permission took family photo albums, books, clothes that didn't belong to her, etc. I only found out when I was at my sister's house and saw the stuff there. I told my mom and she said she didn't like it and would talk to her. Knowing my mom she will not talk to her. This makes me really angry. My sister is mentally abusive to me and my mom (typical narc personality) and we don't get along. It's not right that she took/stole that stuff. If I asked her she would say either 1. Oh, I thought I did ask. or 2) I was just trying to protect it from getting moldy or something like that. this is not the first time she has done this. Mom and I both feel if she wants to take things from mom's house she needs to ask my mom first. So, how should I proceed? Wait for mom to say something? Do it myself? Call the cops? etc. I am my mom's caregiver and she primarily lives with me.
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I am so sorry. Sounds like the sister is trying to get her hands on what she wants now, so she doesn't have to fight for it. You know, just steal it, easier. What a load of garbage.
Sadly, I really think there is not much you can do if your mother still has all of her mental capacities and just doesn't want to say anything. They are her belongings and it would need to be her that files a police report.
If I were you, I would have a sit down with the sister and let her know this needs to stop and stop now! That if she comes to your home or your mothers and takes anything again, you will contact the police. Again, I do not think that there is much that can be done, but put the scare in her.
Shame on your sister, and bless you for taking care of your mother and doing the hard work.
Remember the song about blessing the beast and children? We should add the elderly to that list. They are all so very vulnerable. It’s frightening, isn’t it?
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He was pretty bold about the theft, using the 'eldest son' relationship as a reason why he got the silver, the coin collections, any of value that my parents desperately needed in their later years.
We confronted him once, he got ugly and belligerent, but mother wouldn't back us up, so we let it go. He was always her favorite and there is nothing you can do when the fave is 'favored'.
They were of sound mind when he stole this stuff from them. They opted to do nothing (and realistically, he was in and out of jail anyway) and so nothing was done. He died 10 years ago and we never talk about him. What he did with some of these antiques and such is anyone's guess.
I was surprised to find that mother was alternately angry with him for taking from them and then very 'whatever' about it. His theft is the reason they lost their home, they lived on SS the last 15 years of daddy's life and money was so tight--we all had to help out.
Seems like there's one in every family.
If something wasn’t bolted down or locked up we could guarantee that my brother would steal it. That’s life for a druggie and their family.
Yep, my brother’s jail stint was for armed robbery! Anyone who thinks they can control drugs is a complete fool.
Addicts become a slave to the drug. They will do ANYTHING for their next fix, including stealing from their family. If I valued something I had to sleep with it under my pillow.
And are you certain your mother didn't give her permission to take some things (even if she was browbeaten into agreeing), how is it she was able to walk out with them without your mother noticing?
I’m not making fun of the elderly having to use the bathroom a lot. But gosh, they spend so much time in the bathroom that people could easily take something out to the car when she was sitting on the toilet. That’s assuming if the elder doesn’t need assistance with toileting.
Is she entering the house without permission when you and mom are gone? In that case you can get a wireless security camera that can be accessed from your home or phone, invest into an alarm system, surprise the police show up and catch her red handed or change all the locks on the doors, if it has an attached garage place a lock thru the door rail so it can not be lifted. When questioned as to why the new locks, better security (and she will demand an answe) smile and sweetly say that it appears that items keep coming up missing and you just don't have any idea who would do something so terrible to mom but you had the need to protect what little she has left. When she asks for a key or the passcode tell her oh, no, no one is allowed in there anymore unless mom and I are present. Was there something specific you need from mom's? Last ditch effort would be to have her served a no trespass order for the property, but she will not be able to go there until it is lifted. This is actually elder exploitation.