I am moving from FL to IN to care for my mom (70) who recently suffered a spinal cord injury.
My brother and I along with some helpers (we need to find) will be caring for her.
I am leaving everything; my home, dogs, husband, job, grown children and I am okay with that but I am scared. This is a HUGE change and I worry I wont be able to do what needs to be done.
I want to say that I at least tried to care for her before making that choice of a nursing home...any advice for staying positive and keeping the depression at a distance? TY
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move Mom to a nursing home near you...but...do not abandon your life for her......you will regret this at so many levels!!!
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I don't understand what is motivating you to make such a choice.
From your profile, your mother is immobile. How do you think that two middle aged folks with no training are going to do the work of three shifts of young trained caregivers?
That chance may not come again; there are many sad stories on this board of folks who brought their loved ones home from a care situation and installed themselves as sole or nearly sole caregivers. When the parent becomes in need of more care, or develops dementia and becomes behavioral, the caregiver is trapped in a situation in which the still competent elder cannot be forced into care and the caregiver cannot leave without being possibly charged with abandonment.
Wouldn't it be better to try the long term care solution FIRST?
Have you read the stories on this website at all? Let them serve as a warning to you. Your marriage and your health will suffer greatly for this!
1/ Plan an end date... this prevents weeks turning into months turning into years.
2/ Identify what level of care you are not willing/able to give - bathing and toileting are often the tipping points.
3/ Have a plan in place for your mother in the event she can not return to independence by your end date - one that does not include your constant presence.
It is the old dread Eagle story again. The eagle faces storms and raging waters and must move his fledglings from the nest. He begins to carry the first chick across the raging water and he asks the chick "When I am old will you do the same for me" and the chick replies "Yes, Father, I will". The eagle promptly and purposely drops this chick into the water and returns for his other. He asks the other chick the same question and the other replies "Father, I am so sorry, but I DO promise you I will save my OWN chicks as you are saving me". That chick is the one he saves.
Your priorities are wrong. Your love is your motivation, and it is understandable, given little time to work this out and discuss it. Please don't do this. Please contact social services and have your mother placed. She may well live another three decades. Will you give up your entire family to devote that time to her?
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