When I give my mother a shower and help her with the entire process, getting her in the shower, washing her, and trying to be gentle, yet efficient, telling her to raise her arms for rinsing, lift your breasts, lift up stomach folds, rinse groin, bend over rinse bottom, then getting her out, dried off, out of shower, onto to seat to get dressed, helping her to get dressed, putting on creams, and then brushing out her hair, and making sure she brushes her teeth, and then making sure she is fed and taken care of for the morning. After this routine of bath and ADLs I feel so drained and depressed I end up laying down for hours while Mother is napping. I just feel so drained, like the life has been sucked out of me. I can't seem to remove myself to a professional level like you would do in a Nursing Home or with someone not related. It's a constant struggle, anyone have any suggestions?
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Starting counseling Wednesday. Wish me luck....
I finally bit the bullet and decided to hire a CNA through an agency, to take care of bath days (2 times a week). This costs about $300-400/month out-of-pocket, but to me, it's worth every nickel. The CNA also changes Mom's bed linens, does light cleaning in her room, cleans her bathroom and does her laundry. I also have greater peace of mind knowing that a trained professional is handling her safely and properly.
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Hugs!
Have you considered this is too much for you? Can you call Council on Aging in your area? They will do an assessment. She certainly sounds as if she would qualify. There is usually a wait list so I would call soon.
They will bathe her, help her dress, fix a light meal, be a companion and sit with her usually a couple of times a month for a four hour shift.
The routine you seem to be going through with your mother is very comprehensive. I know that the forms I see filled in every day would ask "what is the person able to do for herself?" And I expect your reply would be "none of it!" - but all the same, it may be that one reason your mother isn't able to do any of these tasks is that you're working to very high standards, and that if you could adjust to her hair not being perfect, her clothes a bit skewiff, its just all taking longer, she then could do more. Not all of it, but more of it. Which would be better for her (less infantilising) and in some ways better for you (less discouraging but - sorry! - more time-consuming).
How long has your mother been so dependent on you? Do you ever get respite breaks?