I am curious about people who took their parents home after placement in a facility. Did anyone live to regret it? Or are you glad you did?

There could also be instances of the placement being considered temporary from the beginning too. Mom is living with me but if I need surgery, I have arranged for Mom to reside in an AL until I can care for her again. I have two different medical conditions that may require surgery to correct with short notice - gall stones and an hiatal hernia. Who knew you can actually cough hard enough during an asthma attack to tear your diaphragm? I have a small tear now, but any major asthma attack or even a bad round of bronchitis could enlarge the tear and make surgery necessary, or it might never get any worse. If my mother had needed the current level of care when my sister was battling cancer, I would have placed Mom in order to be available during my sister's illness.

Why would I bring her back home? For the same primary reason she's here now. I still believe she has a better quality of life in my home where she watches wildlife and the kids playing out her window and has near daily visits from family. Because Mom is generally a cooperative and pleasant personality, the emotional bashing of providing her care is only a small fraction of what caring for my father felt like even after his MC placement. She would get good care in the AL, but I would always have some concern about a new CNA taking advantage of her memory issues to take some shortcut. Mom still really enjoys her meals and I like providing her favorites. She enjoys the walk-in tub and it reduces her joint pain; I doubt a daily bath would be an option in AL. Maybe it's my ego, but I believe no one can provide better care than I can. I have enough respite hours to not feel trapped, so I am still living my life. Mom is just a part of my life.

I also want to preserve Mom's money because with her good general health she may live another 5-10 years; she may even outlive me. My severe asthma means I am always one unfortunate circumstance away from a life threatening adventure. I'm afraid of the hiatal hernia surgery because the same asthma that created the need for the surgery also makes me a much higher risk for the most common complication (respiratory distress) which has already killed one extended family member. If I'm not here to care for her, I want money available for a good AL.

At the same time, once my father was placed in MC, a snowball had a much better chance in the devil's homeland than he had a of ever coming home. He got better care in the MC and he's overall health improved immediately. He would never have been as safe at home, even if we could have afforded 24/7 care long term. Not having to face his dementia driven hateful personality on a daily basis felt as though the weight of the world had been removed from my shoulders. Dad's placement was good for him, good for me, and good for the rest of the family too. Even the estranged diabetic brother who argued most against it benefited from spending his evenings in his own bed, his sleep uninterrupted by our father's care.

I've certainly read about some legitimately terrible experiences people have had in nursing homes so that is probably a valid reason to bring someone home, some of these places sound more like houses of torture than care facilities. To add insult to injury people are paying through the nose for the privilege of being mistreated, that's got to be one of the considerations as well.

Or maybe, the guilt trip was laid on so well, that it worked.

There was someone on this forum, maybe six or eight months ago that moved the parent 5-6 times in nine months to try different facilities, if I remember correctly. Change is very hard, especially on those with dementia! Of course, no surprise, each move caused further decline, and a more difficult resident. And of course, much more difficult to care for.

I heard of people doing that too. I don't know the reason. Maybe bad facility. Maybe the family wanted them to have one on one care instead of sharing a nurse. Maybe bad behavior and was kicked out etc.

Good question

I completely agree with Ahmijoy's characterization of forum members or at least posters, but I often wonder if the forum doesn't attract care givers with problems or under duress. I know my initial membership and postings were fueled by my stress in dealing with a unsustainable situation and search for answers/options to getting out. I placed my father with vascular dementia in MC yet take care of my mother with MCI and mobility issues in my home. I have a choice between caring for Mom in my home and placement in a good AL/MC using her funds. I have adequate respite and some support from family. My brother doesn't do much in direct care, but he does listen when I need to discuss a choice over Mom's care, give me a break most weekends and handles other stuff (like servicing car or picking up medicine). She is here by our mutual choice and I'm content to have her here. I might feel very differently if I was "trapped" between choosing between mom being here and a NH where I would worry about her care quality. Or even if I had no respite care. Or if I had to deal with a continuing conflict in the family over her care. I have come to believe from my reading on this forum it might not be the care giving tasks or even the distress of dealing with the LO's failing health and capabilities as much as issues of respite and family support or continuing conflict (with family or LO in care) that builds the walls of a care giver hades.

I know there are hundreds of threads on this forum from people who deeply regret trying to care for their loved ones at home for hundreds of reasons. And, there are very few from people who’ve made this decision and were happy about it.