My mother is 85. After a fall 15 months ago, she’s had episodes of mental impairment. She will be fine for a few weeks and then not for a few weeks. And then the cycle repeats, over and over. When good, she can plan meals, make grocery lists, prepare meals. When bad, she can’t do any of this. My father steps in and prompts/leads her through the days.
My question is, during a good week, should I talk to her about the bad weeks? Is it a good idea to shatter someone’s perception of themselves? Is there a valid reason for doing this?
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This is my dilemma. You are correct. Since she has short term memory loss, would she even remember a conversation I have with her? Is there a point to telling her what is happening.
I want to have a talk with her because I feel I’m enabling the denial. But is that a good reason? Is there a point to it?
I had to inform my mother of her issues regarding mental impairment. She lived alone and in general was going downhill. She was making alot of financial errors in judgement. That was what I first could try and get control of. She entered AL. With your father present I guess the discussion would be between you too. You are fortunate in that there are good weeks. My mother's stroke just helped stop some of her unrealistic behavior such as attempting to market a book she had self published that there was no interest in.
My mother had been a serious professional dancer in her youth. She also had an ability to draw well. As she aged all this regressed and she sought life choices that never served her well. I have had to deal with the aftermath of that. Didn't mean to turn this into about me but just giving an example possibly to help you decide. I will hope for better times for your family.
Of the two sets of parents, only my DH’s father has died. From him we learned a lot about anastognosia and hospital induced delirium. We always felt he was changing so fast, we couldn’t keep up figuring out what was happening.
Thank you for the suggestion that this “talk” may be better with my father. He’s in denial but he, at least, has experience with my mother’s bad weeks. I don’t think my mother remembers them. When the good weeks start, she has trouble understanding why everyone is treating her so differently.
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Has mom been seen by a geriatric doc and evaluated for dementia which can be caused by strokes? Her level of function and ability to do activities of daily living fluctuate? How often do you see her? How do you get information about her? Maybe you are not being told the truth? Could be someone's denial on how difficult things have become for her.
She has allowed me to be at all doctors visits for the last couple of years and manage her medications because she knows she was having trouble keeping track of doctors instructions and medication renewals and her daily/weekly pill boxes.
I see my mother every day. Ten years ago they moved in next door to my husband and I. Their reason for doing this was to move to a city where 3 of their children live so they would have help in their later years. I’m the oldest and also the only one of their children not working. All this sounds good and I was glad they did this. BUT...Neither they nor I had any knowledge of the aging process. They moved their young family across the country away from all relatives. I didn’t know how getting older affected people’s reasoning and judgement while at the same time allowing them to believe they are mentally ok.
There is definitely denial in both of them. Denial of their own abilities and of each other’s.