We have only been married for 8 years but find him abusive to me verbally and about my family, behind their backs who are lovely to him. He stopped taking his sertraline months ago so is even more abusive and won’t take it again. Also this is an ongoing thing he occasionally cannot hold his bowels.
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Think long & hard about what you want the rest of your life to look like, and then make a decision based on that answer. Then, give your husband ONE last chance to get back on his anti-depressants and to start acting like the loving man you met and married, otherwise, let him know you're FINISHED with this marriage.
Say what you mean & mean what you say.
Wishing you the best of luck with whatever decision you make.
Ask yourself the hard question...is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? If yes, then be prepared for the worst...if no, start walking.
I'm not suggesting that there is anything wrong with you, but usually it's the healthy partner in the relationship that seeks help, not the troubled one.
Is there a reason that you stay? Believe me, I try hard not to see divorce or even separation as the first option, but I don't think that sticking around for abuse like this is good for either of you.
Have you considered seeing a lawyer?
2. If he needs the medication to help control his abusive behavior then that is a non negotiable item.
3. If the doctor finds that he has dementia, he can probably no longer make medical decisions for himself.
4. No matter what the doctors find YOU need to keep YOU safe. So if he is not taking medication to control his abusive behavior, Or if the medication is not working you need to remove yourself from the situation or you need to remove him.
I have stressed here in many posts that SAFETY is the number 1 priority.
Your safety and the person you are caring for.
I suggest you talk to an Elder Care Attorney and determine what options you might have.
It does not take much for someone with dementia to transition from verbal abuse to physical. And they may not even realize what they are doing. (friend awoke when her husband put his hand around her neck with one hand while holding a kitchen knife with the other)