You could try explaining to your mother that if she makes fewer demands on your brother he's more likely to contact her more frequently. No one is going to *want* to call someone who chews his ear off and/or makes him feel guilty.
Mind you. I'm afraid I'm quite gloomy about your prospects. It doesn't take much for some people to resent being "made" to feel guilty. Whenever my brother rang my mother - once in a blue moon, and I suspect only when my SIL stood over him with a loaded revolver - the first words out of her mouth would always be "when are we going to see you?" Now, you and I might take that as her being hopeful that she might at some point see her favourite child, and nothing more. But to him, and I never took this seriously enough I don't think, it was outrageous emotional blackmail.
I'm afraid I no longer care about my brother enough to figure out what I might have helped or cured or facilitated between the two of them, far too late and we're not in touch. But it's not too late for you.
When your brother does speak to your mother, what's the conversation like? Is she upset because he isn't more communicative, or does he actively give her a hard time?
My brother has a lot less care giving and communication with my mom . He’s a very impatient person and my mom always winds up very upset after any interaction, yet, understandably, wants to be in his life. I talk to my mom at least 1x a day if not more, go to dr appointment, food shop, etc... he is in touch about 1x every week and a half by phone and see’s her about 1x every 6 weeks to 8 weeks. He is so angry about her aging and tells me she’s being dramatic and craving attention. She IS craving attention! She wants to know both of her kids will be there for her.
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Mind you. I'm afraid I'm quite gloomy about your prospects. It doesn't take much for some people to resent being "made" to feel guilty. Whenever my brother rang my mother - once in a blue moon, and I suspect only when my SIL stood over him with a loaded revolver - the first words out of her mouth would always be "when are we going to see you?" Now, you and I might take that as her being hopeful that she might at some point see her favourite child, and nothing more. But to him, and I never took this seriously enough I don't think, it was outrageous emotional blackmail.
I'm afraid I no longer care about my brother enough to figure out what I might have helped or cured or facilitated between the two of them, far too late and we're not in touch. But it's not too late for you.
When your brother does speak to your mother, what's the conversation like? Is she upset because he isn't more communicative, or does he actively give her a hard time?
Does the sibling who constantly complains about the parent have
a) a lot more
b) a lot less
c) about the same
contact with the parent that you have?
What sort of support and/or hands-on caregiving is provided to the parent by each of you?
He is so angry about her aging and tells me she’s being dramatic and craving attention. She IS craving attention! She wants to know both of her kids will be there for her.
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