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Momof5and8 Asked December 2019

Should we tell MIL with dementia that she has been sent home on hospice?

She just came home from being in the hospital for two weeks with a stomach bug that caused a host of other problems. The doctor decided hospice was the best thing for her. We haven't told her and don't want her to know. She does still understand what is going on sometimes. We (I) am her full time caregiver and I'm worried about her depression getting worse if she knows about hospice. We have told her the nurse comes to check her so she wont have to go back to the hospital for anything.

RayLinStephens Dec 2019
Hospice does not mean death. Hospice means better and more attention/visits to the person.

If Hospice has become a "dirty word" in your home, just tell her it's Home Health Care.
movingforward19 Dec 2019
great advice here! hospice can be a dirty word for some families because of misinformation or bad experiences with other hospice organizations.
rocketjcat Dec 2019
I wouldn’t tell her. My mom graduated from hospice twice in her 2.5 years in the NH. I never told her anything either time and the difference in her care wasn’t obvious to her. Or me either actually. I learned to try to buffer anything that would get her nervous or anxious or sad.
DizzyBritches Dec 2019
I never knew that anyone ever “graduated” from hospice care. I thought it was purely for end of life; though I should have known that sometimes patients confound their doctors’ expectations. That’s good to know. Thank you.

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rovana Dec 2019
I would see no need to tell her. What difference really would it make?

kdcm1011 Dec 2019
No. Why would you? My friend, who chose the Hospice facility & was the most upbeat person I ever came to know in my 64 years, sank into a deep depression when it was clearly time to go there. She lasted maybe 10 days.

BarbBrooklyn Dec 2019
Is she getting good, appropriate care?

Is she comfortable?

Do you think that telling her that she is on Hospice would accomplish something positive?

I would leave it alone for now. Sometimes, folks on Hospice improve to the extent that they "graduate" from Hospice and curative, non-palliative treatments can be tried.

If at that time her mind is clear, you can have a talk with her about the pros and cons of doing Hospice care again. I wouldn't bring it up right now.

Grandma1954 Dec 2019
No need to tell her but please tell the Hospice team that mom does not know she is on Hospice.
Was the "stomach bug" ever diagnosed? Was that the reason for Hospice?
There will also be a CNA that will come in a few times a week to help bathe her and order supplies.
A social worker and chaplain may also visit.
You do not need to accept the services of the CNA, social worker or chaplain. The only one that is required to make visits is the nurse.
But having the CNA is a great help. And it does make it easy to keep the proper supplies on hand.

AlvaDeer Dec 2019
If you tell her just tell her that this is the way to get her more care, special program and etc.

JoAnn29 Dec 2019
No need to tell her. If u feel you need to say anything just say the doctor ordered Homecare. (Where I live Homecare also handles Hospice) I will be nice for you because u get an aid maybe 3x a week and some supplies like Depends.

Nanagin Dec 2019
Just a by-the-by...legally speaking, IF she is truly oriented, she has the right to know; the hospice staff also can not be told to lie. However, there is no reason to make an announcement. I would use the gentler, fairly accurate terms suggested, but be aware that direct questions from her... should be answered truthfully, and then be ready to share all the positives that you see.

bevthegreat Dec 2019
You and only you can make that call.
You should know her better than anyone and you probably know what she would want. Some people want to know and some don't. Now if she isn't going to remember what you tell her than it would be no point in telling her. But if she knows what is going on, then she has the right to know, If you think she would want to know.

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