What do you do when you don't get a gift but some one else does

You are 46 years old and these are the consequences of the choices you've made. Acceptance is hard when one regrets the choices one has made. Seek help to make better choices and grow your self esteem. If you want a nice purse, buy it once you get yourself a job.

I'm going to try to say this as gently as I can.    Do you have a place to live?  Do you have electricity, heat?  Food to eat?    Clothes to wear that aren't given to you by shelters or charities?

Think of those who don't have that, who sleep on the pavement or in shelters b/c they're homeless. or those who eat at soup kitchens b/c they're homeless.

Think of those who are Veterans and homeless, after sacrificing years to serve their country as well as those of us who remain here or who don't serve.  Think of those Veterans who are battle wounded, learning to live the rest of their life w/o limbs, or who suffer TBI and aren't even able to think or speak clearly.

I'm sorry but I'm at a loss to understand why a purse or a gift means so much, and the source of this rivalry with your cousin.   Are you envious of her?   If so, what can you do about it?   Are you trying to get a job?  Improve your life?   If not, how can you refocus so that what your cousin does, doesn't do, or gets, is irrelevant?

Lola; It sounds like that gift is a "stand in" for all that is wrong with your life.

I'm still not clear why you are living with your parents and without a real job and W2 income; you will need Social Security and savings in your old age in order to live. Your parents HAVE resources for care yes? SS, they can get Medicaid if necessary.

Why are you staying, getting yelled at and putting yourself in a position to be jealous of a cousin who doesn't have to care for her mom? You can leave...is there a reason that you don't?

How your cousin and her parents settled their care is their business, not yours. It’s no big deal to have a gift opened in front of you. Nothing shady about it. Grow up and put aside your petty jealousies. If you dislike her that much - stay away from her.

Taking care of your mother and not being paid is between you and your mother. Other family members have no obligation to step in.

In one of the other posts the cousins mother and boyfriend have paid caregivers. The OP is childish and needs to drop the whole topic. If she doesn’t want to help - QUIT and get a paying job beside dog sitting/walking.

Here is some more background information why the writer does not like her cousin. https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/my-cousin-got-of-caregiving-for-her-mom-not-fair-453968.htm

Lolaloud, as for feeling jealous of your cousin. Not everyone gets the same blueprint for life. Some of us lose our parents 20 to 30 years too soon. Some of us have their parents who live well into their 90's. Which is better?

Some have cousins who had to leave important employment to help care for a parent, where others had parents who could budget for caregivers to come into the house. Is one better than another?

Some had parents who died instantly, like from a fatal heart attack.... others had parents who had Alzheimer's for 15 years. Again, is one better than another?

Have your primary doctor recommend a talk-therapist where you can tell your feelings and the therapist gives you advice and recommend suggestions. You need to remove your focus of your cousin as it is taking up too much of your life.

Take all the negative energy and find something position to do with that energy. It will make you a much happier person :)

Lola is 46 years old. https://www.agingcare.com/questions/burn-out-stage-after-five-years-of-no-help-from-family-friends-how-can-i-get-my-old-me-back-453787.htm?orderby=recent

I must admit to being slightly puzzled. You went to your aunt - and your uncle gave your cousin .... she would be their daughter then? ....

Many family’s stop giving presents outside immediate family once kids get to a certain age. Would get too damn expensive else !

Ive been with relatives who have handed out their “kids” presents whilst I happened to be there. Never crossed my mind to wonder why I didn’t get one knowing how much things cost. Just enjoyed the company and coffee.

If you mean that you felt your cousin was deliberately ensuring you saw she had a present - I’d feel sorry for her that her self worth is so poor she tries gaining pleasure by having a witness to her being worth a gift.

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had such a rough year - mines been pretty bad too and if life were only halfway fair then all caregivers deserve a special acknowledgement gift.

Besides buying his gift, I’ve bought a gift, wrapped it and given to my dad to “give” to me whilst in hospital / care over a birthday / Christmas so he felt he’d given me something. Sometimes he’d forget to give it or start to open it - one time he even gave it to a nurse whilst I’d gone to sort out an issue elsewhere. 🤷‍♂️ Gotta laugh

You’re worth so much more than a purse, however really nice it was. A pretty item gives a temporary boost to the ego. To obtain true worth, live according to your values and create your life with meaning and purpose - When you're pleased with the person you've become-you'll experience a sense of peace throughout life's inevitable ups and downs. You'll believe in yourself regardless of whether you've been fired, gone through a divorce, or failed to get a promotion or a gift. Although ironically you’ll find more are attracted to and value you because of the value you show in yourself. Whereby your selfish cousin will be still reliant on her next boost to her ego via your uncle.

I hope life improves for you and your mum. Shall be thinking of you and hoping the New Year brings good health and happiness to you and your mum.
Regards,

I gave several people I work with a Christmas gift and they gave me nothing. I did what I wanted to do, so the outcome satisfied me.

Expect nothing and never feel disappointed or have your feelings hurt. Do for others what you feel to be right in your heart and don't worry about what they aren't doing for you.

Don't take anything personally. 99.9% of things people do or say have absolutely nothing to do with you.

And finally, my 3 year old granddaughter talks a lot about what "isn't fair" and that's to be expected from a toddler, even though its irritating to listen to. Adults should know better.

How is it that Lola's Aunt, and Lola's Mom have the same caregiver, but live two hours away from each other?

I call a foul.