My 91 year old mother, who has early to moderate dementia and lives in AL, is incontinent. She leaks a lot. She goes into the bathroom at least twice a day for 30 minutes because she is washing out her underwear and changing clothes. She absolutely REFUSES to wear a pullup or even a sanitary pad. We've tried explaining she smells and it's unhealthy. Sometimes she denies she leaks but when we call her on that, she just gets quiet. She's always been someone who worries about what others will think and so you'd think she wouldn't want to smell. But that isn't the case. She refuses to acknowledge she has this issue. The AL staff has suggested we take all her underwear away and replace it with pullups. We know she will pull a nutty if we do this so we've resisted. Suggestions? Thanks!
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Don't worry if she "pulls a nutty", she will have to deal with it.
The AL has given you sound advice for dealing with this. Please listen to them.
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she’ll have no choice then, you have to do what needs to be done and what is best for her as she cannot decide what is best for herself.
who cares if she goes nuts - let her carry on as you do with a child, eventually they tire themselves out and accept that their tantrums don’t change anything.
Again you have to do what’s best for her as she cannot make those decisions for herself
Good luck.
What she does in reaction to the staff request is between her and staff.
Stop resisting and give it a shot. Do NOT give an audience to her anticipated outburst.
By refusing to acknowledge this inappropriate behavior she is drawing negative attention to herself and causing others to be uncomfortable and unduly concerned.
Be sure that you as her caregivers are not assuming some embarrassment for her behavior. If you are complying with staff requests you can’t be expected to do more than you’re doing.
Remove her normal underwear. To leave it is cruel. It’s confusing. Out of habit she will choose the familiar. Don’t discuss it anymore. Just put the pull ups in her drawer and walk away. This will be over before 2020 gets here.
Gently mentioning here that you are having a problem with this. It will be okay. Mom can’t help it but she will adjust.
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