Is it okay to share something with you?

Yes, get a lock on your door. My daughter had us put one on hers to keep her nephew my grandson out of her room.

Sorry, a 10, 11, and 12 year old should not be running amok and should know what the word "NO" means. They r not toddlers. I was babysitting my brother at 11 or 12. My grandmother saw no problem disciplining us when we did something wrong. I saw nothing wrong with my Mom doing it when it came to my kids. You had a right, as an ADULT to tell the kids to stay out of your room. I know the "tone" thing. It happens with me when patience is running thin. Which is alot since I really don't have any. So they didn't like ur tone. Oh well. Yes, its not your house but...you r living there to care for Mom and if they can't teach their children to repect someones space and an adult at that, you will gladly move out and they can take over the caregiving.

Don't react to what ur Mom says. In hindsight you could have said " well if her grands would have listened the first 2 times I asked them to stay out of my room, I wouldn't have had to use the "tone".

That sounds like my mother. Except that my mother would actually make up stuff that people said (actually, putting her own thoughts in other people's mouths) and then repeat them to me. I suspected my mother would do this so I asked the supposed speaker what she said and didn't say. My mother did not approve of certain of my attitudes so she would invent support for her position by claiming that other family members voiced the same disapproval to her.

You probably know the people involved well enough to figure out of that's what's happening here. If not, then I agree with the poster who said that your mother should have your back. Barring that, she should tell anyone who complains to raise their complaints with you directly, and if they do so, tell them exactly what you've told us.

Trouble is two-fold here. First off, the great-grandchildren aren't disciplined and their parents have no intention of disciplining them, so they are 'entitled' to do whatever they want, whenever they want, with no consequences. See where I'm going with this? I just had a rather annoying 9 day visit with my step daughter & granddaughter who treated me like garbage because she could. Mommy thought it was funny that her perfect daughter was so 'grumpy-faced' with grandma all the time, so the entire visit turned into "I can't wait until they go home" mantra from me. Under my breath, of course. Undisciplined children being raised by parents who don't think it's necessary to raise them properly is creating an entire generation of people nobody wants to be associated with. And that's the truth.

Secondly, your mother is fueling the fire by telling you what the others are saying! "Please, mother, I no longer care to hear the gossip that is being said about me if you would like me to continue living here and caring for you. Hurtful words are not necessary, serve no useful purpose and are not appreciated."

The 'grown-ups' are not going to show up and help you because you're not dealing with any grown up people here. It's all on you. So YOU are the one who needs to set down the boundaries or else you'll continue to be treated like garbage. With my granddaughter and her hideous behavior during this visit? Every time she acted inappropriately, I turned on my heel and left the room. I was NOT going to subject myself to her bratty behavior nor was I going to encourage it by begging her to play nice. Fuggedaboutit.

Wishing you all the best of luck standing up for yourself and demanding the respect you deserve!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!

By grown-ups, do you mean your sister in law and your nieces/nephews?

I suppose what happened is that the family descended on the family home mob-handed over Christmas, and the young great-grandchildren were over-excited and running amok?

I shouldn't think your SIL rang your mother TO complain about you. I would have thought she rang to thank your mother (and possibly you too) for entertaining them, and this unfortunate episode came up in the conversation.

The kids should have been taught how to behave in other people's homes, but they won't be the only ones to have forgotten their manners over Christmas. Was it a good visit apart from that?

Honestly, this is what is going to happen with so many elders - they've lost their filters and they enjoy the drama of stirring up trouble. Get a lock for your door for the remainder of your time there. I myself would move out - you don't have family support and you are a 24/7 caregiver. Do you know that 40% of caregivers die before the Loved One does?

That disrespect from the brother's family would be the last straw for me.

hell , my sisters tried to get me thrown out of caregiving and in jail if possible -- for licking used fentenyl patches . where theft goes -- that must be like stealing an apple thats hit the ground and rolled out into the street .

pretty lowball crime . :)>

jealous .. i was being relied on by a very vulnerable person and those losers couldnt stand it .

I'm going to bet this kind of gossip is nothing new and that you only know about it this time because you are right there and your mother is oversharing. Even if she won't back you up you mother doesn't need to pass along these negative comments so I would make it clear to her you don't want to hear them. Retaliating is only going to escalate the war and alienate you, if you truly want it to stop you probably only have to make them aware that everything they say is being passed along to you.

As for your growing resentment at their failure to jump in and help - you signed up for this and they didn't, you need to look elsewhere for your respite.
(And get a lock for your bedroom door)

You need your MOTHER to have your back on this. As it stands, she is in the middle and accepting these criticisms and then passing them on to you in the most immature and backhanded way. This is NOT OK.

The 'adults' are probably glad to let the kids have free reign of the house (YOU moved in with GRANDMA, right?) so they were used to that house being Grandma's and maybe under her reign they DID wander freely everywhere.

Talk to mom and let her know you would like her to help you by supporting your need for privacy (my own grands know the rooms in the house they are NOT allowed to party in, and they respect it).

If mom starts to help out by saying 'I'm sorry you were offended by Hopeful's frank talking to your kids, you need to keep a closer eye on them.' If mom can't do that, then you just stick to your guns.

Sounds like the monkeys are running the zoo.