My mother's things are at my sister's house in a different state. We have a very tumultuous relationship. I don't believe there is much of value, but I would like to make sure nothing of sentimental value is lost. I have POA but I don't see how that comes into play here. What if anything can I do?
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But still, there are a couple of approaches that *might* work --
Straightforward: "Sis, I've been thinking about a few sentimental things of mom's: Gr'ma's sewing basket, Gr'pa's woodworking set, what ever . . . .and thought it might be nice to have them if you were not planning to keep them" Sort of thing.
And you can play that two ways -- one, asking for the things you truly do want, or two, asking for things you don't care so much about .. . . to test her and see what she does (Oh, that old thing, I already donated it to Goodwill, . . . . or she disposes of it after learning you wanted it -- depends on how mean she is and this will test that and let you know :)
Or sneaky: You could wait until your next visit and go the route of "Gosh, sis this sorting through stuff is going to be overwhelming, let's get started on it while I'm here" and promptly "Sort" the things you care about first . . . right into your vehicle.
I'm assuming all this parting with things would be ok with your mom though.
Also, if any of these plans get your sister riled up and she throws out a "Just take it all then if you want" type of temper tantrum . . . jump on it before she cools off and DO take the items that are important to you. She'll change her mind, and maybe get rid of them once she cools off. That is the only way my sister and I have possession of my Great Gr'ma's quilts and several other sentimental items of my dads -- turning an temper tantrum ultimatum to our own good use ;)
Best of luck, I'm the sentimental one in the family, so I really feel your heart on this {{{hugs}}}
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Sending a bazillion hugs your way! 💗
On a side note for the parents out there with children both with and without children of their own. Don't not give to the childless person on the theory that they don't need anything. That's what my mother did to me (though I wanted children) and it made me feel worthless. Just because someone isn't married or a parent doesn't mean they wouldn't enjoy Grandma's salad dish or some childhood books.
1. Do you have any siblings?
2. Have any items magically disappeared?
3. Does Mom have a Will? If so, have it recorded with the County Recorder's office. Not every State allows this, but you can make the argument as POA. This is important if your State is Probate. This will also help your argument should a 'new' Will be presented by a sibling; this will then become an issue of fraud or advantage of an elderly person.
4. Call the insurance company to ask about whether or not ALL of the contents of the home are insured. Ask for a recommendation for a company to video everything in the house. This will serve many issues that could pop up.
5. This will cost a bit, I had to pay $500 for a basic service from an Estate evaluation company to come into my Mother's home to take pictures, determine hers/his/theirs (I have ugly step-siblings who are EXTREMELY GREEDY). The company will place on CD as well as provide you with a catalog of everything with the listed value and the total value of the estate. If you have an attorney make sure she/he receives a copy too. Give copies of ALL LEGAL documents for attorney's file regarding your position of the POA.
6. As POA, you do have the right to take ANYTHING OF VALUE from the home ONLY AFTER INFORMING ATTORNEY AND PROVIDING PICTURES OF THE ITEMS, BUT you must place it all in a safety deposit box for Estate settlement. This will also protect property if you have in-home care as well as proving YOU didn't take it for yourself. My Mother had some very expensive jewelry and heirlooms which are no longer around. I do not have any idea who either talked Mom into giving a piece to them or if someone in the family (including step-children) went through her jewelry box and stole pieces.
7. Constantly check the County Recorder's website for ANY DOCUMENTS FILED. You should be able to print ALL documents and attachments. This will help should someone talk Mom into signing legal documents should she be suffering from dementia etc. Persons with any mental issues cannot sign a legal/binding document.
8. Become Guardian so no one in your family can question your acts to protect unless they take you to Court. Talk with your attorney about this.
I am Mom's Guardian as well as living out of State. I have a Court order which allows me to keep every family member from entering the house since I had to place Mom in assisted living. I changed all the locks, pissed off ugly step-sister and I only gave a key to Mom's 2 brothers for emergencies. Ugly step-sister is now forced to 'settle' monetarily as I am getting a protective asset divorce for Mom. Ugly step-sister will have to accept MY demands or at least 99.9% especially as I have several State/Federal illegal actions she did. The State is 50%-50% marital debt or Community property and she owes Mom's Estate just under $90.000 now.
Cover every single scenario you may encounter. It may not be something to worry but just like questions, there isn't a stupid questionable situation. Make sure your attorney provides you with Federal/State statutes in laymen verbiage. I have 3 ring binders full.
FYI: REVIEW THE SECRETARY OF STATE RULES/REGULATIONS FOR NOTARY. THESE CAN BE REVISED AND 99.9% OF NOTARIES DO NOT READ THE REVISIONS.
If I had not done this I would not have ever caught the change of beneficiary deed my older sister had Mom sign! THE NOTARY DID NOT COMPLY WITH THE NEW REVISIONS.
My attorney wasn't aware of some very important changes until I pointed them out to her and she is a notary. Print a copy and place it in a binder so you are able to have immediately at your fingertips.
New Year, New attitude...….avoid the drama.
Maybe sister can scan and email.
Now I'm sorry I started answering...
Sigh. FloridaCare, one thing you perhaps can do is use your mother's money and your POA to hire a storage unit and pay a removals team to clear your mother's possessions out of your sister's house under your sister's supervision. Might she co-operate with that?
She's 'promised' me the bedroom set that was my Grandma's and the only thing I would even care about having. Just heard that when she passes the oldest daughter of the 'house' (Mom lives with YB and his family) will inherit these lovely pieces of furniture. I'm glad I found out, in a roundabout way about this switcheroo. Not that is makes any difference to me, really, I am just glad I won't have to be hurt and surprised at the time.
No 'thing' is worth the grief that can be caused by an elder forgetting to whom they have 'promised' stuff and how it can literally break up families for good.
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