My grandmother has Alzheimer’s and I’m afraid she is being taken advantage of. Any suggestions?
My grandmother signed a POA naming her sister. Since, many financial changes have taken place, my grandma no longer has access to her her credit card or other financial means, also her sister is withholding her mail.
To clarify - grandma is not my blood relation. She married my paternal grandfather in 1971 when my father was 18 years old. That much being said, she has been a part of my entire life - held me as baby, at every birthday/holiday, she IS my grandmother.
Additionally, grandmas sister has not been a part of this family. Prior to my grandfathers death I had met her once and that was simply because she worked at an office I was sent to acquire paperwork from.
If you feel strongly enough about it, you can challenge the POA in court. But before then, why don't you sit down with everyone involved and see if you can talk things out.
I'm not sure how old Grandma's sister (so your Great Aunt?) is but if she is also of advanced age is it possible she too is overwhelmed or thinks she is helping, maybe together they thought it would be better not to place all the burden on the Grandchildren rather than Great Aunt scheming to take advantage of her sister? She may think she is as capable of helping her sister as your GM does that she is capable of caring for herself and neither of them are actually capable of running their own households and lives without help.
Either way it sounds like your brother who either still has a valid Durable POA or last had it, is the one with more legal weight for questioning all of this. Your help behind the scenes doing just the kind of research you are is a huge help but he is the one who needs to contact the attorney who drew up the documents giving him DPOA as well as the one who drew up the documents giving GA either POA or DPOA (that might make a big difference too) and the details about any formal diagnosis of Alzheimer's to see what the legal situation actually is. Here's the rub though, I would encourage you both to approach this in a way that gives your GA the most respect you possibly can and a way to save pride. If you can find a way to accomplish all of this, including any investigation without accusing her and enabling her to feel like she's involved and important, recognize her love for your GM and efforts to care for her it will be best for all of you but particularly GM in the long run.
I don't know the tragedies in all your lives that left your GM outliving her children and you and your brother without parents but your GM has known her sister a lot longer than she has known her grandchildren and maybe lived with her sister throughout childhood but never lived with her grandchildren. One of the common symptoms of this disease is loosing the present day, patients often live in the past, their childhood even or some mixture of the past so the time may come when your GM will recognize her sister before she recognizes you, she may know she is comfortable with you and your brother but know who her sister is or not. My point is even if your GA has started down the dementia road too they may offer a comfort to each other you can't and you will want to have the best relationship possible with your Great Aunt if that happens. Just something to consider. I may be all wrong too and your suspicions are correct she has her own best interest at heart and not her sisters but I hope not.
How old is your grandmother? And who is her primary caregiver? Her sister may have POA but she cannot force her sister to shower and trim her nails but she should make her sister is properly cared for. And is her sister an elder herself? Has anyone in the family offered to help take care of your grandma? Because if her sister is also elderly, she’s probably not able to provide the level of care your grandma needs
She is 85. She doesn’t have any in home caregiver. My brothe4 had setup for in home care 3 days a week and grandmas sister has since canceled that. Arrangements were supposedly made for another family member to come in once a week but that has been sporadic at best. She sees the local clinic as needed. I have been spending mornings with grandma since grandpas death - I spend roughly 2 to hours with grandma in the morning. She bathes and does her own laundry. But she often forgets to eat. She has lost weight. I will encourage her to eat something in the morning - even if just a piece of toast. If she doesn’t go to her lunch program I make sure she has something. My dad, mom, or myself will call in the evening and either bring grandma to the house or bring her dinner most nights. I have bought groceries for grandma. Additionally her sister is guardian for her husband and son. Also he4 sister is on a list of antipsychotics such as gabapentin - this was information she freely gave when we were still somewhat on talking terms. Her sister is 77.
Your grandmother put her sister in charge. Yes, she will no longer have that card if there is any evidence that she cannot function well with it due to diagnosed dementia. If your Grandma's sister is acting as financial poa she is going so per your GrandMom's request. If Grandma is well oriented she can ask the sister for the charge card. But it can become very confusing when two people are handling bills and purchases and etc. How is it you KNOW she cannot access her credit card? How is it you know that her Sister is withholding her mail? Why not ask her Sister about these things that are worrying you? If her sister will not talk to you--that is to say if the two of your are not communicating well, there is honestly no way to change this other than to file with an Elder Law Attorney if you feel your Mom's finances are being abused. Have the proof of same with you when you go to see the attorney. But before you do any of that, speak with Grandma and the sister TOGETHER.
The thing is we believe grandma was not of sound mind when she changed her POA to her sister. Additionally her sister asserts grandma is able to care for herself, yet her sister feels the need to take care of all grandmas arrangements.
With ALZ/Dementia your grandmother doesn't need access to her credit card or banking accts. She can no longer handle them. Witholding her mail may give sister the chance to throw out the junk mail and get the bills to be paid. I doubt if she is getting cards or magazines for Gma she is not giving to her.
When a person is assigned POA it usually takes effect when a person can no longer make informed decisions. The POA gives the person assigned to be able to pay bills. As long as sister is not using the money for herself there is no problem. Eventually Gma will need more care. Sister may need to place Gma in an Assited living or LTC. The money needs to be there for Gmas care.
If you haven't, research ALZ. Even in the early stage people suffering from it lose the ability to reason. They can be taken advantage of. As long as Sister is using Gma's money on Gma she is doing what she is assigned to do. As long as Gma is safe, food in the house and taken care of the POA is doing what she is assigned to do. Even if she has to hire people to accomplish this. If you see where this is not happening and feel sister is defrauding Gma then you can report her.
I think though you need to gather more info on ALZ and its effect on the person and the effect it has on the family. The sister has taken on a big responsibility. She needs people to understand why she makes certain decisions and not be criticized. She is not required to give out any info regarding Gma's finances. If she has Medical POA, she is not entitled to give out any of that info either. My question would be, why she assigned her sister and not one of her children.
Her children are both dead. Grandpa died in late october 2019. She had assigned my brother as a Durable POA long ago. I’m not 100% on the timeline but grandma and her sister went to attorney and had POA changed to her sisters name - I believe this was after grandma had been given a clinical diagnosis of Alzheimer’s. Grandma has been very unkempt - I witnessed an$ have documentation of grandma wearing the same shirt 8 days in a row, her hair is unwashed, fingernail are either broken or long and needed trimming, there is debris on the kitchen floor, there is dust everywhere, the vacuum has been in the same spot for over a week, there’s rotten food in the fridge.. I also believe her sister is misleading grandma into believing others have stolen from her.
Bjoydo, I agree with worriedinCali's post. There comes a time when a person who has Alzheimer's cannot remember that 1+1=2.
And if they do remember that, they tend to make poor financial decisions such has purchasing expensive items they have no need for, and/or donating to every donation request that comes through the mail or over the telephone.
When my Dad was in his 90's, even though he was still somewhat sharp, he didn't want to bother with bills, in fact he thought they were junk mail so out into the recycling those bills went. Thank goodness his caregiver found him doing that. So Dad had me be placed on his checking account so I could write checks. Thus, I had all of his financial information forwarded to my home address. It was for the best.
Unfortunately with Alzheimer’s it often becomes necessary for the POA to take control of the finances and limit access to the persons accounts. Has anyone had a discussion with your aunt?
At the beginning we were in discussion with grandmas sister. However things became hostile. Grandma has since had a lawyer draft a letter asking for money to be placed into an account that my brother had dispersed while he still had Durable POA for grandma. We believe grandma only has taken these actions at the coercion of her sister.
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At the end of the day it doesn't matter who has POA if grandma is not receiving the care she needs.
Someone needs to get the authorities involved so that grandma can be cared for and kept safe.
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Additionally, grandmas sister has not been a part of this family. Prior to my grandfathers death I had met her once and that was simply because she worked at an office I was sent to acquire paperwork from.
Either way it sounds like your brother who either still has a valid Durable POA or last had it, is the one with more legal weight for questioning all of this. Your help behind the scenes doing just the kind of research you are is a huge help but he is the one who needs to contact the attorney who drew up the documents giving him DPOA as well as the one who drew up the documents giving GA either POA or DPOA (that might make a big difference too) and the details about any formal diagnosis of Alzheimer's to see what the legal situation actually is. Here's the rub though, I would encourage you both to approach this in a way that gives your GA the most respect you possibly can and a way to save pride. If you can find a way to accomplish all of this, including any investigation without accusing her and enabling her to feel like she's involved and important, recognize her love for your GM and efforts to care for her it will be best for all of you but particularly GM in the long run.
I don't know the tragedies in all your lives that left your GM outliving her children and you and your brother without parents but your GM has known her sister a lot longer than she has known her grandchildren and maybe lived with her sister throughout childhood but never lived with her grandchildren. One of the common symptoms of this disease is loosing the present day, patients often live in the past, their childhood even or some mixture of the past so the time may come when your GM will recognize her sister before she recognizes you, she may know she is comfortable with you and your brother but know who her sister is or not. My point is even if your GA has started down the dementia road too they may offer a comfort to each other you can't and you will want to have the best relationship possible with your Great Aunt if that happens. Just something to consider. I may be all wrong too and your suspicions are correct she has her own best interest at heart and not her sisters but I hope not.
make her sister is properly cared for. And is her sister an elder herself? Has anyone in the family offered to help take care of your grandma? Because if her sister is also elderly, she’s probably not able to provide the level of care your grandma needs
When a person is assigned POA it usually takes effect when a person can no longer make informed decisions. The POA gives the person assigned to be able to pay bills. As long as sister is not using the money for herself there is no problem. Eventually Gma will need more care. Sister may need to place Gma in an Assited living or LTC. The money needs to be there for Gmas care.
If you haven't, research ALZ. Even in the early stage people suffering from it lose the ability to reason. They can be taken advantage of. As long as Sister is using Gma's money on Gma she is doing what she is assigned to do. As long as Gma is safe, food in the house and taken care of the POA is doing what she is assigned to do. Even if she has to hire people to accomplish this. If you see where this is not happening and feel sister is defrauding Gma then you can report her.
I think though you need to gather more info on ALZ and its effect on the person and the effect it has on the family. The sister has taken on a big responsibility. She needs people to understand why she makes certain decisions and not be criticized. She is not required to give out any info regarding Gma's finances. If she has Medical POA, she is not entitled to give out any of that info either. My question would be, why she assigned her sister and not one of her children.
And if they do remember that, they tend to make poor financial decisions such has purchasing expensive items they have no need for, and/or donating to every donation request that comes through the mail or over the telephone.
When my Dad was in his 90's, even though he was still somewhat sharp, he didn't want to bother with bills, in fact he thought they were junk mail so out into the recycling those bills went. Thank goodness his caregiver found him doing that. So Dad had me be placed on his checking account so I could write checks. Thus, I had all of his financial information forwarded to my home address. It was for the best.