What to do about mother in law with dementia, falling history, lives alone, busted head open 3 different times that required staples?

When DH has the POA organised, he needs to cancel her bank and credit card accounts so that she can’t 'give money away over the phone’. He can open new accounts in her name if he wishes, just don’t give her the numbers.

My MIL is in the same situation. Except for giving away money--she'll squeeze a penny til it bleeds.

But she is supposed to be walking with a walker and using oxygen and does neither, She wants DH to install 'hand rails' all around the house and he patently refused, said if she can't walk from the sink to the table, she has no business living alone.

The 'fear' that one day someone is going to find her lifeless or nearly so, having fallen, yet again, is a very real fear. She just got out of rehab for a nasty fall, UTI and pneumonia. Refuses all aid except for what her daughter can provide. DH has POA but won't do anything to move her to safer environs and has frankly given up trying.

We are by no means alone in this dynamic. I imagine there are 100's of thousands of elderly people who are driving their loved ones nuts by being so difficult to work with.

If she falls again and is hospitalized (with perhaps rehab in a facility after that), that will be the chance for your H to firmly state to the discharge planner that his mother lives alone and needs placement.

I hope the end result won't be that she comes to live with you! Because then you will become her caregiver. Why do you and not your H go there every day to check on her?

Are you willing for her to come to live with you? If not, plans need to be set into place ASAP so that that does NOT happen.

LostinPa,

Your husband has to get her assessed and the POA activated. Next step is to have her bank accounts changed so she no longer has access to them.

Unfortunately she may have created a huge problem if she has indeed given away her money. If she needs a nursing home, she will be private pay. The medicaid 5 year look back will not accept her giving money away without a penalty.

If there is any value in her home, it can be sold to cover care costs for her.

Your husband needs to have her evaluated by a neurologist. When he gives the diagnosis of Dementia thats when his POA comes into effect. Then he makes the decisions in Moms best interest. It is no longer what she wants its what she needs. I would not take her into my home. She is already showing she is going to be hard to handle. If she can afford it, place her in an AL.

Who has her Durable Power Of Attorney? Has she been evaluated for Dementia?