After caregiving for 20 years I was close to burnout when Dad fell, ended up in Hospital then went to Hospice. Any advice?

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Katmar Asked January 2020

After caregiving for 20 years I was close to burnout when Dad fell, ended up in Hospital then went to Hospice. Any advice?

By some miracle, Dad made a complete turnaround and we had to place him in a nursing home. The initial fall was Dec 8 and he was placed on Jan 2. Since he fell, I have been sick with cold like symptoms, and it has not ended yet. I have been to dr twice. It just seems like I should be relieved that I am no longer a full time caregiver yet, I am not relieved. I am exhausted and seem to not care about anything. Christmas decorations are still up and will be probably till hell freezes over, I just want to be left alone, praying to feel better but it seems like I will never feel better. I feel lost. Help!! What should I do? Is this normal?

Burnout Dad Family Caregiver Hospice

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score 3 · Answer 1

20 years is a long time to be caring for someone. I would think it will be a big adjustment on your part. I live in NJ and all its done is rain. Very depressing. And I am the person who goes down with the Sun. Seems like this "cold" is just hanging in there. My DH and I are fighting it now. I think not feeling well isn't helping. Get lots of rest and don't push it. Make sure u eat well. Tell Dad u can't visit because u can't bring in germs to the facility.

Helpful Answer (3)

Thank you, his fall has hastened his short term memory problems. I am staying away from everyone but its growing old. I appreciate your help

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score 4 · Answer 2

It took a long time for this exhaustion to build to where it is now, so it’ll take time to feel more rested and to heal. You went thru a very rough month after your dad’s fall, including the extremely difficult NH placement. You’ve been kicking out cortisol, probably not eating or sleeping very well. IMHO, what you’re feeling is very normal. Be kind to yourself, do what feels right in that moment. And btw, my Christmas decorations are still up too, and I don’t feel any great push to put them away.

Helpful Answer (4)

Happy to hear Christmas is also lingering elsewhere. Sadly, I just don’t care! I forgot to add that I also watched my 2 year old twin grandbabies twice a week until he fell. I miss them but just thinking about everything, no wonder I’m so tired! Thanks

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score 5 · Answer 3

Maybe depression? Or just exhausted from being sick and from being burnt out? Give yourself a little more time and then see what you can figure out to take care of yourself.

When you no longer have to be a caregiver, sometimes that's when people's own problems bubble up to the surface and demand to be taken care of.

Helpful Answer (5)

I have been treated for depression for a long time but maybe I need to have my meds adjusted. Fortunately, i have an appointment coming up so maybe that will help too Thanks for the suggestion

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score 3 · Answer 4

I am so sorry you're unwell. Give yourself a chance to fully heal and recover from being sick before questioning yourself too hard. If you still feel lost and uninterested in life next month, then definitely see your doctor as you may be suffering from depression. Or post traumatic stress..........which often hits us AFTER a loved one is finally placed, you know?

Sending you my best wishes & a prayer for your quick recovery.

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Prayers are always welcomed and appreciated. Thank you for the well wishes.💕

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score 4 · Answer 5

I got the flu on December 23rd. I was in bed all week. A week later, disabled hubby came down with the flu, pneumonia and a host of infections and other health issues. The stress has been so great I have not recovered. You truly don’t realize how much stress you’re under. One day at a time. Really.

Helpful Answer (4)

Ohhhh, so sorry. We have been fighting something. DH ran a fever for about a day. Just a head cold I think but it is lingering.

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After caregiving for 20 years I was close to burnout when Dad fell, ended up in Hospital then went to Hospice. Any advice?

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