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Frazzledaughter Asked January 2020

How do you deal with your mother that was just diagnosed with dementia this past September?

She is acting like a four year old brat because she was not the center of my attention for the past two and a half weeks. I was sick still I saw her a couple of days and then I took a trip with my sister. I told her about the trip but did not remind her. I had care set up for her and my hubby, 2 grown sons and 11 yo daughter that was taking care of her in my absence. She yelled at my husband because he told her the truth he didn’t know exactly where I was. Just I was on a trip with my sister. She would not go eat with them. She would not go with them to grocery shop. If called she would hang up on them. She expects me. Me to be on call 24/7 and tell her everything I do. Not going to happen. I reminded her I’m grown. We love her. I also made sure she was taken care of. She said she didn’t care because it wasn’t me. Then she said she wanted to go to Walmart with me because I was getting my script filled. I’m sick need surgery. She doesn’t care. My sister said sure we’ll take you. So I had to take her. She was still acting like a brat. Even after I dropped her back home helped put some of the stuff up she was still acting like a brat. How do we handle this? I think she wants friends but she’s not friendly. We’ve had nice church women try but mom did the 4 yo act. This is rough.

Alazrielle Jan 2020
Set firm boundaries for yourself. Discussing things with her is unlikely to yield change. When I am sick, I go into my room and shut my door. I stay in until I am fully better. And when she says she needs something, I tell her she can go with my husband or wait until I am better. She will throw a "fit" but tough. There are times when compassion is needed, and other times when you need to put YOU first. Tell sister is she wants to dictate how Mom is treated, than Mom can go live with her.

Frazzledaughter Jan 2020
Thanks. Yes I have just started reading a book about dementia. It’s Been so overwhelming. We’ve had lots of changes this year.

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Tiredandweary Jan 2020
Have you read about Dementia? If not, you should. It's a frustrating and horrible disease and it doesn't get any better. When this first started with my mother, we thought she was being difficult but what we didn't know was, she couldn't help what she was doing. You have to realize that. She has no control of how she acts. You can compare it to a 4 year old, but the difference is a 4 year old has a brain that is growing. You can reason with a 4 year old to some extent. You CAN NOT reason with a person with dementia. Their brain is broken and dying. Please read all you can about dementia. Understanding this disease will help you tremendously. It's not going to make it easier, by any means, but you will at least understand what is happening. It's going to get harder and harder. I would suggest you contact a social worker and work on getting placement for your mom in a memory care facility. It will be for her best interest and yours. A great big hug to you! I know how hard it is for you and your family.

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