How do you cope with anticipatory grief?

There are palliative care support groups in Denver. Call and ask hospice organizations.

Google "palliative care support denver".

Crytal I just looked up Superficial bladder cancer.

Has your husband's oncologist discussed the 5 year survival rate figures with you? They seem to be quite high which is encouraging.

It's possible that the shock of his diagnosis is making you realize that none of us gets off this planet alive. The older we get, the closer to death we each are.

I think perhaps framing this as anticipatory grief is too limiting. You may be experiencing traumatic thoughts and symptoms about your own mortality as well as your dear husband's.

I'm not trying to minimize the pain you are feeling; if anything, it's worse than anticipated grief. I thing individual talk therapy and may be antidepressants might be needed. ((((((Hugs))))))).

I suspect ONE of the biggest problems is that you do not have a plan in place for how u will spend the remainder of your life without him. Have this discussion NOW with him. Make a plan together and begin preparations. U will feel more empowered and less like you are being swept out to sea. Im so sorry about his diagnosis.

I wish there was a palliative care support group for you.

When I took the GriefShare class, one woman was there with anticipatory grief. The GriefShare rules state that one must be experiencing grief over a death to attend. The leaders chose to ignore this rule (because the woman held a lot of influence in the church).

Perhaps because this woman tried to interject her viewpoint into every discussion, I very much resented her presence. *I* was there because my SON had died; what right did SHE have to take up so much time and offer her opinion all the time when her MOTHER hadn't even DIED YET?

I think anticipatory grief is very different from actual grief. I'm not sure your presence is appropriate at regular grief groups.

BUT I DO feel for you, very much!!! I think there must be some sort of support for you in the Denver area!

I don’t think that you can avoid grief. I don’t think it’s even healthy to block out your feelings. This is the most intimate relationship of your life. I am so sorry that you are hurting so much.

The only thing I can think of that would be useful is to seek out a grief support group and counseling. Is that possible for you at this time?

Also, if you are a member of a church you may want to speak to your pastor.

I’m so sorry for your husband’s diagnosis. I think Snoopys suggestion of calling your doctor is a must. I also think finding a talk therapist can be very helpful. A therapist can be with you long term and might know of local groups.
Meditation is also wonderful. You might be able to find a group to sit in with or look for guidance from tapes. But do keep looking for a caregivers or grief group to join since you are already drawn to that and it’s good to share grief.
Journaling is also very therapeutic.
Come back and let us know how you are doing. There is support for you here.

Crystal, seeing your other posts today and thinking more about your situation, this is jumping out at me: "I am experiencing nightmares with viscerally devastating physical and mental responses."

I am wondering if you could be experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Doing just a very brief search online regarding recurrent nightmares in adults brings up PTSD as a possible cause, along with more mundane ones of course (medication side effects are another-- maybe another avenue worth checking into with your doctor?).

Maybe along with looking into a support group of some kind, calling your doctor tomorrow about these serious symptoms you're experiencing now would be even more important. It sounds like you are really suffering! :(