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mneriv Asked January 2020

Does anyone know the procedure to getting my mom into a nursing home against her will?

She has severe memory issues and talks to the TV and yells at it on occasion. She will be getting a professional home attendant for 4 days a week and 4 hours each day starting February 1st. Presently I am doing it all.
I have a Dr. coming in a few weeks when the home attendant and my mom are comfortable with each other.
I know that she will have to eventually go in a nursing home but took me a year to get her to go for a home attendant and now with her condition even worse I do not think she will go along with it.
Any advice will be appreciated!!!

AnnReid Jan 2020
With POA you can arrange for a “friend” (trained geriatric cognitive assessment provider) to “visit” you and Mom and develop a written report based on observations and standardized testing information subtly incorporated into conversation.

We had the good fortune to access services of a very skilled therapist who was employed in the facility in which we’d placed my LO, who had experienced painful and disruptive issues at having been placed.

A document was produced, which when presented with the POA, resulted in an objective justification for her need for compassionate management of all of her life activities.

Since she was accessible at her residential site, the cost to us was $300, but it might cost you more since your mom would need to be seen at home. Still less than guardianship, and IMO easier on all involved, especially the LO.

The document that was produced was about 1/2 a page, but explicit in describing the effects of dementia on her. Request that if you have a chance to do so.

Sincere hopes that you will find a solution in the simplest and most direct way forward.

bluefinspirit Jan 2020
Since you have POA, you won't have to seek guardianship. You will need to have your mom declared unable to make these decisions for herself. Best to get this from a neurologist or geriatric physician, but PCP works too. We had two independent geriatric physicians evaluate our mom and had each of them provide us with a signed letter. Having a letter from two doctors definitely helped us.

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mneriv Jan 2020
I am going to check that path out!!! Thank you!!!

cwillie Jan 2020
Everybody who comes to the forum will likely tell you that it is impossible to put someone into care against their will unless you have guardianship, but I can guarantee you that 99% of the people in every nursing home and memory care did not sign themselves in voluntarily. My advice? Find the facility you want to move her to and ask that she be assessed as to whether her needs fit their level of care, then get their advice and support about how to make it happen.

needtowashhair Jan 2020
Against her will? You'll need to be appointed her guardian.
mneriv Jan 2020
thank you. I have heard that as well. but guardianship cost about $3500 here in NY
Geaton777 Jan 2020
Do you have durable PoA for your mom? If not, you would need to obtain guardianship over her to even have the legal authority to move her. If you do have durable PoA and she is in fact incapable of making decisions in her own best interests, others on this forum have used "therapeutic fibs" to get their LOs even to go through the facility doors, such as her home/apartment is being fumigated and the move is temporary until it's safe to return.

You should research facilities and when you find one that is a good fit for your mom, talk to their admin staff on a tactic they can recommend. They've seen your situation and thousand times and may be able to help you. Good luck!
mneriv Jan 2020
I do have durable POA and thank you for the suggestions. Well appreciated

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