Been dad's caregiver for 2 1/2 years. Been a journey. He's an alcoholic, got arthritis, lost all his muscle tone, relies on me for everything although if he can take his mobility scooter downtown, put a drink to his face then when he has *the runs" he can clean it up!
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You are most likely doing what is familiar to you. You are going to have to find a way to move out of your comfort zone.
Does your dad try to make you feel guilty? Then you try to please him because you want him to be happy but people who live with an addiction are never happy. They aren’t at peace. So, you may as well stop enabling him.
He’s counting on you doing everything for him and you’re exactly right. You state in your profile that you have codependency. Doing everything for him does create a codependent situation.
His misery is contagious. As long as you remain in this situation you are going to be frustrated. Somehow you are going to have to find a way to give yourself permission to let go.
Please make the time to speak to a therapist. It helps. Stick around here. Others will add to the conversation. Many of us have had dysfunction in our families.
I had a brother who was addicted to drugs that I cared for. Eventually, I had to end the relationship for my own sanity.
I made peace with my brother before he died in hospice. I forgave him. I did love him as my brother but hated his behavior as an addict.
I tried so many times to help him and he refused help over and over. I suppose you tried endlessly to help your dad to seek help for his addiction too. If they continue to refuse help, sometimes we have to walk away.
What do you think of placing him in a facility? Don’t you think it would be better to go and visit him as his daughter instead of having the huge responsibility of being his caregiver?
Best wishes to you and your dad. Hugs!
You are burnt out, he needs care you cannot provide. Are you enabling him?
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