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Judy133 Asked January 2020

How do you reduce your time with your mom when she is so mixed up and confused. I am with her at her nursing home for 6-7 hours a day?

JoAnn29 Jan 2020
I agree with everyone. My Mom was right down the street. I did check on her everyday. I would stay not much more than 1/2 hour. Sometimes only 15 min. Not sure if she even knew me. When she went into the LTC, it was in the next town so I didn't go as often. There was a lady there who visited her husband every day. We would sit and talk. Mom would just sit there but the lady would say to Mom "so what do u think" "thats right huh Peg".

Are you going because u feel you need to be there out out guilt? Because Mom probably has no idea how much time you have spent with her or that you did, and ur causing yourself stress trying to be there.

anonymous912123 Jan 2020
By being a helicopter caretaker you are hindering her, she needs to acclimate to her new home. The staff is there to assist her, you do not need to sit there for 6-7 hours a day. Your sitting there does make her less confused, it is all part of the disease and the staff is trained to deal with patients like her. Let the staff do what they are being paid to do. Good Luck!

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Val3rie Jan 2020
My MIL always wants me to stay unless she is doing Bingo. I always excuse myself at the same time each time. I started by telling her I had to get her son from PT which was true at the time. Now 8 months later she looks at the clock and tells me to go.
Her son is no longer doing that PT, but it seems a perfect way for her to maintain a routine now.
Make a routine for her?

CantDance Jan 2020
I would suggest you resist going in daily and cut back on the time when you do visit. Sadly the confusion won't improve with your presence, explanations, etc.

cwillie Jan 2020
You need to allow her to integrate into the community, spending so much time there every day interferes with that. Realistically you could glue yourself to her side 24/7 and it wouldn't stop her from being disoriented and it wouldn't help her to regain her equilibrium, the brain damage from dementia prevents that. Start going less and/or leaving earlier, it will be OK. Honest.

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