Thoughts on using sale of moms home to get a bigger home with me to care for mom with early signs of dementia?

From what I understand....and probably is subject by the state you live in.....there is a five year claim on the deed. Dad and mom put their home in the kids names seven years ago, so it was free and clear and we all had equal ownership as siblings. It belonged to us. Then my brother got a divorce, and, in my parents infinite wisdom, they quick claimed the deed back to themselves for fear the ex DIL could claim part of the home for herself. Advice? Get an attorney who knows the law and will look out for everyone's best interest. My parents never consulted anyone and now, at 90, the home is up for grabs.

Not sure if I can post links but will copy part of some information on Medicaid’s Child Caregiver Exception.

Of course, check with an elder attorney to be sure your situation meets the guidelines.


If an adult child lives in the home of his or her parent for two years or more (providing substantial caregiving services), prior to the parent being admitted into a nursing home or assisted living facility (that accepts Medicaid), the Medicaid applicant may transfer the home to the child who provided the care that delayed their parent having to go into a nursing home. 
Caregiving includes assistance with ADLs such as going to the bathroom, assistance wtih bathing, getting dressed, cooking meals, dispensing medication, and making sure the elderly parent is otherwise safe and healthy. 
The child caregiver rule is an exception to the rule that imposes a penalty on transfers of any assets (without fair value in return) / uncompensated transfers in the 60 month period prior to the Medicaid application (referred to as the “lookback period”

I think that this is all well meaning, but what I am hearing is mostly financial. If you have someone with an underlying bipolar condition who also may go into a state where there is some dementia you could be signing on for real problems. And for TWO DECADES worth of them. What will you do when your Mom needs care 24/7? Give up your job. I am wondering if there is a way your Mom could consider a duplex sort of a thing, living near to one another but with space, and you could continue with your own earning and living, and save. I can't know the price of real estate in your part of the country, but it sounds doable for some areas. You could then save for that time when you may not be able to work, and your Mom could continue to save for those times she needed some hired help. I would start to think of this both on financial and emotional basis. Wishing you good luck.

If both you and Mom are contributing to the purchase of the new house, then have the deed made out as "joint tenancy with right of survivorship." This means that should one of you pass away then the other retains full ownership. This advise was given to me by an Elder Attorney, but you should have it verified by your own attorney.

There are people out there who have moved an aging LO in with them, and it has worked out great for everyone involved. The key, I think, is in the planning. It sounds like you are not going into this with blinders on and have done (or are in the process of doing) your homework. Kudos to you!

I don't know what other assets your mother has, but you've already done the math, and $200k will last just a couple years in AL. Yikes!

I would not recommend using the money from the sale of your mom's home to buy a home for yourself. However, what if she sold her house and bought something closer to you you for herself? You could still move in together. Or... you and your mom could find a larger apartment and split the rent. She could either sell her house or rent it out.

Lots of options are still open to you and your mom. I wish you the best, and give your mom and kids a hug from me. ;-)

Co-mingling funds or property with an aged person is never a good idea. She may need Medicaid in the future, that needs to be taken into consideration. I would consult an Elder Attorney for guidance.

Whatever you decide never never entangle your money with hers, that would be a nightmare when she needs a higher level of care and when settling her estate. Plan very carefully for the time when when she does need more than you can provide, instead of asking amateurs on the internet use a qualified lawyer familiar with medicaid and trusts.

It sounds as though you and your mother have a good,strong relationship which is wonderful. Many many on this site do not have that. You also sound as though you have many years of work ahead of you which hopefully you feel good about. You also are still raising children. You don't mention all of you moving in with her which I only bring up because you are in an apartment. Perhaps you don't want to uproot your children which makes sense.

Very obviously the elderly age and generally not in a positive manner. Your mother may retain a positive disposition but her body and mind will continue to fade possibly at a slow but steady pace. How will you meet those needs if you need to continue to work fulltime?. She may not be able to continue to have her wishes granted regarding outside help in whatever form is needed. Then all of you in a larger home with more space may not address her needs and cost factors will come into play. You then may have to be uprooted again. I don't know where you live but not all real estate markets remain strong. We sold last year in one that was rapidly declining.

You may find answers here to seem extreme but in general while your plan might seem good for now it could detoriate in the future. So many others know that situation and have had the expertise of time dealing with an aging parent who requires more and more care.

I hope you are able to absorb the advice of others and look realistically at the various situations regarding your mother's aging process. Without the elusive crystal ball many of us might secretly wish for all scenarios should be considered.

Thank you for the feed back. I have consulted her doc and elder attorney already I can not “legally force “her to go to the asst living ( I already have her approved for a private asst living) , mom is high functioning (for now) does not need asst with personal care or home chores. She needs asst with medication and needs to be monitored a bit. Doc recommended her staying with family especially since we live to far for daily monitoring of her. I’m the only family she has here (brother lives in Canada on work visa) and I need to do something for her now........Right now she is staying with me and my teenage kids at my apartment and we switch off sleeping on the sofa. I have to go back to work next week and doc said that she could be alone for the 7 hours I’ll be gone. And to see how things go ??!

Catatrophe waiting to happen, on many levels. Dont do it.

You said your mom is bipolar with early dementia. This is only going to get worse. Financial issues aside, you would regret this move very quickly. Think about this long and hard.

Your Mom’ss assets need to be used for her care. This includes the sale of her home. Consult an attorney are best to help your mother.

Why not check into assisted living for her? Has she ever looked at any of them? Have you? Do you want her to live with you? It’s really hard having a parent live with you. This doesn’t just involve your mom. It’s about you too.

No, do not do this. If mom should need Medicaid within the next five years, the money she puts towards the house could very well be determined as a gift to you. Then mom is not eligible for Medicaid. What if she gets to the point that you burn out and just cannot do it any more?

If she should need a nursing home that could easily cost $120,000 a year. $10K a month is not uncommon.