I am helping take care of my mom. She lives alone, down the street from me. She always complains about not feeling well. Should I do more?

Just a question. Did the husbands do everything. Spoiled the wives. Did these never have anything outside the home? Their lives were their families? My Mom was a stay at home Mom raising 4 kids and my Dad. He would have been lost with out Mom and I TG he went first because she waited on him hand and foot. My Dad worked shift work so taking care of us fell on her shoulders. There was no "when your Dad comes home". She dealt with it right then and there. She handled the money. Dad took out spending money and she got the rest. When he passed she had no problem budgeting her money. She had been involved in Church and continued. Even though at one time her family was the center of her life, she transitioned well.

I am in the same boat. My mom lives alone three houses away. It's the worst thing that ever happened to me. My mom is 77 and hasn't wanted to, or done, anything constructive, positive or beneficial to another person since she turned 70. Anything I suggest is rejected for one reason or another. She and I used to have a good relationship but now it's very strained. She was put on antidepressants about 5 years ago but they haven't helped. I am an only child and she has pretty much made me her only outlet to the world.

I don't do as much as you do, although I rarely escape a day without speaking to her at least once. Sometimes I get groceries and/or prescriptions for her - depending on how she feels. I have to take her to about 50% of her medical appointments and there are many. I don't cook for her or clean for her as those are things I don't even have time to do at my own house. I run a small business and work 6 to 6.5 days a week so I am extremely time-crunched every single day of my life.

Being that my mom is only 77, I try very hard to do as little as possible for her to try to force some level of independence on her part. She's been a significant problem since she turned 70, and her own mother lived to be 95 or 96, so I have known I am probably in for a long haul here.

I have told my mother several times that I am not going to be responsible for her happiness. It's sad but I have had to say some very cruel things to fight for my space and keep her from smothering me. I am an only child. The relationship between mom and my husband is no longer good because of all that's happened. My mom has no friends and has spent her life pushing away all family. She has backed her own self into a corner. It's not my fault!

Does she qualify for meals on wheels? They bring more than food everyday. They bring a little bit of person to person interaction. It's just not about food.

Ditto to what DollyMe suggested. How old is your mom? Does she still drive? If you feel confident that she is able to safely drive a short distance, she would be an awesome volunteer at the local senior center, library, historical society, school, food shelf, clothing consignment charity, etc. She can find a task where she isn't interacting with people very much. My mom did this once a week for many years and was very edifying for both her and the senior center where she gave her time. Your mom sounds like she may have some depression, or something else going on, so I would take her to her doc and have that discussion, also have them give her a cognitive test and check her for a UTI. Meds may be a solution. It's not healthy for you to be her entertainment committee, nor is it for her to depend so heavily on you if she is truly able to be out and sociable. If I were you I'd make it clear that you're not able to be her only "friend". I can see having a weekly girl's night out or something, but you shouldn't be her only outlet and distraction. Boundaries.

I’ve tried, she wants nothing to do with people she doesn’t know. She is socially awkward, but I think she would do well if she would give it a try. She’s not open to it at all. Thank you for your response.

Most elderly people crave interacting with others of their own age, being isolated is not good for the elderly.

We recently placed my 94 yo mother in AL, she fought us tooth and nail for years to stay in her home, we waited finally she has a slight stroke, then she started having panic attacks. so my brother and I jumped and she is now in a facility near us. We thought she would hate it, she loves it, has made new friends, joins activities, takes the shuttle to shop.

Worrying isn't going to help one bit, how about devising a plan? Senior Day Care? Community Centers that offer activities or look into AL. Or, a service like Visiting Angels to visit her a few times a week?