My husband is refusing medical care. What do I need to do legally?

He should go to his doctor and tell him that he would now like palliative care, comfort care only, no testing and no medications. He should have his doctor help him make out a POLST. This is essentially a doctor's order that the patient doesn't want heroic measure and will describe exactly what emergency care he will and will not accept. He should then go to lawyer or social worker to assist in making out health care directives. They should be specific in what he doesn't want as for instance "NO artificial resuscitation" "NO artificial administration of food or fluid" "No tests or xrays". Whatever he likes. He can also stipulate what he would like "Morphine drip to keep me below the level of dreams if I am in pain". I am with your husband but am OLDER than him. I will accept monitoring of my hypothyroid and thyroid medication; I will NOT accept cholesterol testing, mammograms (despite 2 decades ago breast cancer) and etc and so on. This is both making clear your husband's choices now while he is competent and serves as a directive to you and he should make you his DPOA so that you can serve in his wishes should he ever become incompetent. Recommend a good read of Barbara Ehrenreich's latest book Natural Causes.

ticketyboo, that's all fine and dandy for him...but what about you? It sounds like he is making some huge assumptions about you, your relationship and life in general. Are you willing to be a caregiver for someone if you know there's medical help for him and he refuses it, making your caregiving burden much more intense? Have you thought about the implications for your own happiness and health? Has *he* thought about your happiness and health? He may not be terminal now, but what about some chronic condition 5 or 10 years from now when you're both approaching your 80s? What about if *you* became chronically ill or passed on before him? This happens all the time...no one knows when their last day is.

If I were in your shoes I would probably put these possibilities before him and see what he says. If he's flippant about any of it, I might be tempted to inform him that my caregiving will only go so far and then he will be transitioned into a facility when I feel like I've had enough. Good luck!

No. You would not be successful in legal intervention. If he is of sound mind, he has a right to refuse any medical care. Even those with Dementia are allowed to refuse care. The only thing you can do is to have you, a nurse or his physician explain what could happen if he does not take his medication. Again, he has a right to refuse medical care. Many elderly choose to do this. If he is happy, let him live his life the way he wants. I know as a spouse, it is heartbreaking. However, the laws of the land allow all of us to refuse medical interventions. Medial professionals would suggest he complete a living will so his desires are granted if an emergency happens, where he is not able to communicate.

I'd consult with an attorney to find out potential issues down the road and to get what you need.

I'm 68 and am thankful not to have major health issues.

That said, I refuse to take "preventative" medications. If I do not have the illness, why would I want to take "preventative" medications - side effects are very real with every medication. There isn't a medication that doesn't affect the kidneys and the liver - I will not take drugs for a problem I do not have.

My father was taking medications for Parkinson's for 15 years and since his medication dosage was never changed, he was sent to a Neurologist. Are you surprised to learn he never had Parkinson's but was taking medications for 15 years for a disease he didn't have?

Personally, I believe your Husband has the right to decide what medication and what treatments he is willing to have. Any testing using radiation can do damage. A Living Will will protect you from being accused of neglect but still allow him to decide for himself what he is willing to undergo. I had my father sign A Living Will and we even had it notarized, just in case.

I would suggest DPOA, Will, Living Will.

ticketyboo...70 yrs old is still relatively young to want to quit taking meds and not go to a dr. However, since this is his choice, i would definitely get all the legals in place now (DPOA, living will, DNR, etc) to make sure what he wants is honored and to protect yourself. Blessings to you as you go forward along this path.

How many meds was he on and what for? 70 is young to be 'giving up' but has the right to do just that.

My mother, at 90 is religious about her Bp, cholesterol, diabetes, everything. She's got nothing really to live for now--and was suicidal all the years I was growing up and well into my 40's....NOW she decides she's going to live to 100. I can't figure out her kind of crazy. She gets a LOT of attention, being 'so sick' and still tottering around. I'll never figure her out.

Is your hubby depressed? He can be faking it (being happy) and just pulling the plug on himself.

Has he even considered how YOU feel about this? My Dh has multiple health issues, and would be content to retire, crawl into bed and leave the TV on until he died. Yes, he's depressed and keeps going off his meds. He is one of those aging 'jocks' who never thought they'd get old. Surprise!

In the end, though, you cannot make someone take care of themselves.

What are his meds for, what might he be at risk for without them, and what alternative steps can he take to deal with the health issues he's taking meds for? I'm in his age bracket and just won't embark on a regimen of permanent meds. I think it's time to rethink our love affair with meds, to tell you the truth. Do they really help? E.g. as a medicine lowers our bp, what side effects is it having? And we can ask this about any med. Instead of taking that pill, take a walk around the block! :)) Good luck to your husband and to you, too.

The laws in place give a person free choice. I take care of my brother with bipolar and if he doesn't want to take a medication there's nothing I can do about. You cannot force it down his throat.