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EssieMarie Asked January 2020

How do I proceed once my mother passes?

I rely on both my mother's income and mine from Social Security. We rent an expensive apartment and I will not be able to afford the monthly rent alone. To break the lease will cost 2000.00. I don't have that amount either. I'm paying a debt from my last apartment landlord for not being able to clean the apartment to their satisfaction. This debt will keep me from renting anything else if not paid. Should I wait until I'm evicted to move out? I've already explained this dilemma to my current landlord. She will have to run another credit check on me before I could move into something less expensive here. I am very worried. Even assisted living wants a credit check. I've thought of advertising for a roommate but that takes time. Also I would try to work again but due to a back injury I can no longer sit or stand for hours. Any advice is appreciated.

worriedinCali Jan 2020
Hi Essie, lots of great suggestions were given to you here https://www.agingcare.com/questions/any-advice-for-after-the-funeral-453085.htm

Wuzzyblue Jan 2020
You really must start preparing for this now.  This is your issue and you should address it head on.  Be proactive in the situation, start cutting costs where you can and look for any options to downsize now.
Having a job is a must, there are plenty of jobs done sitting down...I do that all day long and make a good living.  I know you might feel overwhelmed, but you really need to get a jump on this literally and mentally.

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anonymous912123 Jan 2020
Look for a job, plan to take care of yourself. There are many jobs that you can do sitting down and get up and walk around as needed. Millions of people work with a bad back, day in and day out.

Start downsizing now while your mother is still alive, since she seems to be the main supporter, move into s place that you can afford on your own.

If you don't plan...you plan to fail.

Geaton777 Jan 2020
Can you see if there's a smaller, less expensive apartment in your complex so that you can "trade down" to a more affordable unit? Usually, everything is negotiable, you just need to come to the table with viable options for both parties. Can you get on a list for section 8 housing and sublease your apartment (you will need to check your lease to make sure you can even do a sublease or have a roommate who is not on the lease).

Your profile says your mom is 94... Do you have reason to believe she will pass soon? What about hospice for her? Why are you worried about breaking the lease before your mother is even passed? How much longer do you have left on the lease until it's ended? Do you belong to a church community where you can look for a roommate? Don't wait for eviction. Like NYDaughterInLaw suggested, pay a little bit back to your old landlord every month. Acting like you intend to pay often buys you good graces, even if the amount isn't large. Don't give them cash...make sure you keep record of what you have given them! I'm in business and sometimes I can't pay a vendor to their terms, so I just make smaller payments and I've never had a problem with any of them. I've done the same for vendors and clients who owe me money. Just don't act like you're planning to be a deadbeat by paying them nothing. Time to get resourceful. Do you get supplemental food from a food shelf? Do you have items in your place that can be sold? Can you do cash "gigs" for family, friends, neighbors (like pet-sitting, taking in ironing/laundry, running errands, polishing silverware, anything?) There are contract customer service jobs where you work from your own home answer calls on behalf of companies. Also, even if you are not a member of a church, you can take your dilemma to a nearby church and talk to their pastor or board or care ministry. If you tell them you have a 1-time need for $XX dollars to pay old security deposit so you have a good credit rating to look for a different place to live, they are often willing to help you with some of it and maybe all of it. Have them write the check directly to that landlord so that the church knows the money was spent properly. Or they can help you with food and gas expenses so you can put more money towards your debts. You won't be in this dilemma forever if you chip away at it -- I wish you all the best!

NYDaughterInLaw Jan 2020
You do need to start looking for roommates now. You also do need to find work. Go to a temp agency and have them review your skills for per diem work. Eviction does not need to be inevitable.

Pay a little extra every week or month to your old landlord and get the debt paid off.

Even with a back injury you can wear a back brace, compression socks and shoes with good support in the arches and work. I have injured my back and know the pain and it takes time to get into the good habits of proper posture and stretching to minimize the pain and stiffness.

Your attitude is what matters most.
disgustedtoo Feb 2020
Not sure that all back injuries can be dealt with by using braces, socks, etc. It all depends on where the injury is and what the injury is.

The intense pain I had from cervical disc injury could only be relieved by surgery (took 5+ years to get a doctor who knew what the problem was and could deal with it!) Later the abutting discs had to be removed and fused, and being sent back to work too soon by the disability company led to near death after a few months part time, and kept me out of work for many months after my almost month long hospital stay!

My lower back has something called spondylolisthesis, which is where the vertabrae slip out of place, not the disc and it can render me unable to stand up straight, bend down, lean over or sit. As OP said, sometimes sitting or standing for even limited times can be difficult or impossible. First thing in the morning is the worst for me (feel fine lying down!) Given the issues I had with the other surgeries, I am not considering any surgical treatment for this - I have to pace myself and only do what I know can be done.

Caring for her mother likely isn't helping!

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