My dad is 90, says he wants to move "back" to a community near Paradise, CA to be with a caregiver, 51 year old woman. Any advice?

Awhile back when I was a full time caregiver to mom my doctor sent me for several heart test. The woman who administered the test was telling me about a patient that came in the hospital for care and he deeply cared for his caregiver. This man was single without children. He hired this caregiver to look after him.

He cherished her because of her caring for him, no romantic feelings. He had money. He asked her to marry him so she would inherit his wealth as his wife. She accompanied him to all his doctor appointments and elsewhere. He wanted to show her gratitude. She was significantly younger. He told her to live in her own room and he did not expect anything sexual from her at all. I thought that was interesting. Wonder how often that kind of thing happens.

They did marry but it was in name only. She accepted his proposal. She lived in her own room. She took very good care of him. He took very good care of her.

Of course, some people are devious and do take advantage of the elderly. All situations are individual.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could say "Dad, what would a 51 year old woman want to be with a 90 yr old man for" This sounds like her will be alienated a much easier to control. How foolish we are when we age.

I read a previous post you wrote where Dad was helping a couple and they wouldn't move out. What happened there. Seems Dad has a good heart that gets in his way.

I have no idea how u could deal with this if Dementia is not involved.

If your Dad suffers from some dementia, this could be dangerous indeed. I would seek guardianship if you have POA and if you have POA for heathcare and the documents to do so. Then if you want to give Dad a trial of this I would do so only if you are closeby. Paradise has a very mixed reputation and it always has had. I would try first to suggest that Dad's friend come here to his place and see how that works for him? I would tell him frankly of your concerns if he does NOT have dementia, and suggest that he take with him only a small account with a small amount of money.
Are you his POA? Is he suffering from any dementia?
Yes, you are correct that this is very very worrisome esp if Dad is in a fragile condition. We can tell right off the bat this is unlikely to be about falling in love.

This very same scenario happened to my cousin's family. Cleaned him out completely, even took his dog. So, yours smells completely like a scam also but to the point mentioned below, what control do you have? PoA? She can easily convince him to change it -- and she will. So unless he is cognitively incapacitated and you pursue guardianship, I don't think you have any legal power. What I would do is try to get him in to his doctor asap (on some therapeutic fib, like it's required for Medicare this year) and discretely ask the doc to perform a cognitive test and "hope" it shows he has some degree of dementia so that when she starts pulling his strings you have something that *may* protect your dad. If you can get info on her, maybe a background check?

FYI the scammer does not necessarily need your dad to be in proximity in order to drain him. Does your dad talk to her on the phone or computer? Can you take him to his bank and help him set limits on withdrawals? Set up online banking for him and monitor it closely. Redistribute funds into multiple savings accounts, have his computer and phone and car "break", anything to make it harder for her. Criminals...ugh!!

My friends father hooked up with a woman on Match, she moved in with him, had him sell his house, made her the beneficiary of his estate, they moved into a pricey IL facility. He was 90, she 70, he died 2 years later, there was nothing left in the estate. The IL fee was escrowed, and when he died she got that too.

He thought she loved him, Nope, it was all a scam. The family did what they could, but he refused to listen. It was a terrible situation.

I would listen to the clergy friend, it is a setup for $$$$….nothing more.

So sorry to hear this.