My parents are elderly and live in a house by themselves. My mom 83 and dad soon to be 90. Mom has dementia and is a mean dementia and my father has fallen into a deep depression and has some memory issues and has withdrawn from everything. My mom doesn't take him out of the house but goes to store daily and leaves him home. He doesn't shower or get dressed. My mom says she can take care of him but she forgets to. She refuses help. My dad is down to 124 lbs. he is just a shell of a body, when I visit he just sits there in a daze. It's like he's waiting to die. It's so sad. I ask my mom to take him out and she rolls her eyes and she is very belittling to him. She argues with me all the time. I tried to get a housekeeper she fired them, my dad had a stroke and when he was getting in home rehab she drove them away too. She constantly thinks she is dying and isn't concerned with my dad. It is so sad, I know its the disease but how can I get someone to come bathe my dad and make sure he is getting fed? She won't let us kids do anything. I thought about calling APP, but then I have read horror stories. Any suggestions?
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When was your mother diagnosed with dementia?
If you've been able to talk about his situation to your father, what does he say he would like? - for example, if he tells you he would like to engage in-home services to help him bathe/shower, you can act on his instructions (and so can an agency sending in aides).
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I would not rely on "Horror Stories" to make a decision. There are some people that spread both untruths and singular episodes as the truth.
The idea is to explore all your options and then make an informed decision.
Me, if I was as concerned as you, and unable to get your mother to comply, I would consider calling APS. There are times that one needs to do what they need to do. The first priority, to me, is to make certain that they are safe.
I went through something similar with my mother, she finally had a stroke and my brother and I sprang, she is now in AL, where she has needed to be for years.
The only difference is that she lived alone, she did not have anyone to care for except herself.
Do what is best for your father, it appears to be time for someone to step in.
Good Luck!