Hospice imminent, but should I just start now?

I am sorry that you are facing this with your mom.

May God grant you strength and peace during this difficult time.

Hugs to both of you.

Thanks to all for the responses and support thus far. I'm moving forward with hospice.

As needtowashhair mentions, you do need to agree to stop curative (or even palliative) treatment for your mom's cancer if you want hospice care.

We just went through the same agonizing decision with our mother. After 5 years of battling colon cancer, the treatments just got to be too much for her. Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. The good news is that, while our mom only had a 20% chance of surviving those five years, she's still here.

She can no longer make these decisions for herself, so my brother and I had to decide "enough was enough." It was not an easy decision, but we made it strictly on quality of life not longevity. Five years ago we asked our mom what things in her life were most important to her; not big philosophical things, but day-to-day things that most make her happy. For her it was: staying in her own home (that's been a challenge), going to church each Sunday, interacting with friends, and taking care of her kitties. Our decisions these past years about her care have always been made with the sole intention of allowing her those most important things for as long as possible. Most, or all, of those things are no longer within her grasp, and that's when we knew it was time for hospice.

I don't know if this helps you at all, but it helped me to actually say it out loud.

All the best!!!

Be sure your mom understands what hospice means. No more curative treatments. Is you mom still being treated for cancer? That's a curative treatment. If she goes on hospice that stops.

Please start hospice now. It will be a huge help. Hoping all will go as well as can be expected for your family.

Good evening, Nurtur,

I am sorry that you are going through this. It is my experience that by the time medical staff suggest hospice, the patient was probably ready for it long before. You ask “should it start now?” Most resoundingly, yes. Let them evaluate your mother. If she is not eligible, they won’t take her case. I believe that the patient must have a prognosis of impending death of at the most six months. Of course, this is only their estimation. After this time, the patient will be reevaluated and either will continue or discontinue care. There was a patient in my parent’s nursing home who had been on hospice for over a year and was taken off hospice care because she improved so much. I wish we had called in hospice earlier when my father started to decline. As it was, he only benefited from this extra layer of care for two weeks before passing away.

Your mother’s condition continues whether under hospice or not. Why not have this extra set of eyes and extra care for her? I have prayed for you and your mother.

If the doctor has recommended it and your mom would like hospice care now, yes, definitely. If your mom is unsure, I think it's appropriate to encourage her to start receiving hospice services now. If she's incompetent to decide, yes, go ahead. Better too "early" (whatever that means in this situation) than too late.

I vote to start now. I've read that the number one regret people have about Hospice is that they didn't start sooner, the services they offer are so much more than dealing with the actual last few weeks and days.