Daisycat here just getting over total knee replacement and it's back to the same routine again making sure my mom is taken care of. During my surgery recovery still had to make sure she was ok, my wonderful husband did the errands for me but people I just don't want to do it anymore. I have been responsible for her since I was very young and now I am 67 don't feel like I even have a life. Need advice
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"Been responsible for parents since I was 16 years old. My dad is deceased 25 years ago and it just continued on with my mom now she is 86 and I am so tired I think I have burn out. I have 2 brothers, they don't do anything just me and my husband which is so good at helping me. I just want to throw it all down and walk away but I know I can't. that is my story."
So Mom is about 87 now. I guess she is living in her own? Can she afford a nice AL? Can she afford some help? Is there a way you can cut down on errands.
Reading all your posts concerning boundries I guess I was good at setting mine. And I am the oldest and a girl. But I am a person if not an emergency I will do it when I can. I can be just sitting in my home doing nothing and if my nephew calls wanting something and its not immediate I will tell him I will get it when I am out. So, when Mom could no longer drive we set up a day for shopping and running errands. I cut down on some of her dr visits. I felt one dr was milking Medicare. My Mom took bp and cholesterol meds. Otherwise she was healthy did not need to see her PCP every two months.
So look at these errands. Are they emergencies or just she wants it done now. Can she make a list of what she needs and u have a day that you can do everything at once. Look at her appts. Has she been going to specialists and is now stable so her PCP can take over her care. Boundries should have been set years ago. Going to be hard now. Make Mom aware you too are now a Senior with health problems. It will take a while before ur knee really feels better. You just cannot continually run errands. Have her scripts delivered. Maybe her groceries.
I was a senior dealing with my parents who were in their 90's and still living on their own in their house. I honestly thought my folks were going to outlive me. Then it dawned on me that my parents were continuing with their lifestyle while I had to change mine.
In our parent's eyes, we are still that 25 year old who can do everything. They don't see us as getting Medicare and social security. May I ask what are your Mom's medical issues as 67 is still quite young in today's world.
If possible time to set limits, I know it won't be easy, it is hard to say "no". Try repeating in front of a mirror "sorry, I can't possibly do that" until you are comfortable saying that. If Mom grumbles, ask her what would she recommend. If she says you can help, just tell her you can't, then ask Mom again what would she suggest. Hopefully she will say she can hire someone to help.
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