In Sept of 2019, my dad was in the hospital for about 2-3 weeks & was then told that he can no longer live on his own. He has alot of ailments including COPD exacerbation, prostate & colorectal cancer, diabetes, CHF, pulmonary hypertension, etc. I talked to my siblings & asked them if dad could stay with them. They gave their reasons as to why he couldn't. I took him in to avoid the nursing home. Well, I'll be John Brown! Every week I took my dad to the hospital, missing work (finally got my FMLA), him being non-compliant & argumentative with me and medical professionals regarding his medications & wherewithal for things that helped to assist with his care. I moved him into my one bedroom apartment that I shared with a younger sibling of the same mom, different dad. I gave him my bedroom while I slept on a airbed in my dining area. He had no respect for my home by which caused many arguments & uneasiness betwixt the three of us. I tried to make him comfortable as best we could because my sister was kind enough to help with cleaning and cooking for him. This included food he constantly dropped and threw down, poop splattered over the toilet cabinets tub, floor, wall....just gross!!! My house and car smelled like urine. He complained about everything we did. "We don't cook" and didnt like the way we cleaned even though we cleaned up after him. He called 911 on us because we wouldn't get him "Soul Food" and advised the 911 operator that's what he wanted. The hospital got tired of seeing him multiple times a week and suggested skilled nursing. So he stayed in that particular hospital for a couple of weeks until he went to the first skilled nursing facility. The trips back & forth were tiresome but wanted to make sure my dad was ok because he is several hands full. After He gave them hell, he was then transferred to the most recent skilled nursing to transition to residential. From the day after Thanksgiving 2019 until today he has been in the hospital consecutively. My dad called me multiple times while at these different facilities to tell me that he was dying just so that I would go up there & sit with him. He tried to taunt & guilt trip me with his death knowing I also took care of my mom while she was sick before she passed away. Before Sept. my dad was pretty much estranged. Even with his cruel treatment, I went above and beyond for him. He has played on my heart strings as much as possible just for me to do what he wanted. I'm forgiving because life is short. Within these last few weeks the voicemail messages multiplied of him telling me "I'm killing him", "come & watch me die", "you're making me crazy putting me here & asked the nurse to tell me to watch him die. He also called the administrators there everyday doing the same. He called 911 on his nurse for a crazy reason. He said he didnt want to be there & I need to come & take him home. His medicare at 100% ended on Feb. 3 & was to pay $176/day that he was aware of & prepared for but still didnt want to pay. My dad was so upset at being in the facility. I wrote the check that he knew I had to the facility to pay for his copay while at the facility. So, the next day I go to the facility to take batteries he requested for his oximeter. Once I got there I was moments late for my dads suicide attempt, by stabbing himself with knives & scissors & told the nurses I was the reason for the attempt he doesnt want to be there & the payment made to the facility was stolen & he doesnt want to live anymore. This broke my heart as I have done all I know to do to help even amid the abuse taken. He was taken to a hospital for a psych eval only for me to find out all of this craziness that took place was apart of his plan of doing a chargeback on the check and then calls me to tell me I need to help him find a place to stay?? At this point, I am all cried out & stressed out, when he passes away naturally or forcefully, I just dont know if tears will be shed! #TIMEFORLOVEFROMAFARFARFARDISTANCE!
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https://www.agingcare.com/questions/how-to-deal-with-resentment-when-caring-for-parent-456113.htm
There is a thread going on right now. The OP stuck by her guns concerning a brother. She told the hospital she would not transport him back to an unsafe apt nor would she take him home with her. It now was their responsibility to deal with him and find him a safe place. Its working for her so far.
Have you looked up the definition of narcissist? I bet your Dad fits it.
You are not responsible for him. Him trying to commit suicide so you will get him out means there is something mental going on. No normal person does that. And u don't need his toxicity in your life.
You are doing the right thing. Walk away. Tell the facility they will have to find a way to get paid if that means applying for Medicaid. You are done. They may have to consider getting a temporary guardianship.
Boundries.
You now have all the insight. You have been through enough. You know. You have learned. I am proud of you, because some NEVER learn, and even after the parent from Hades passes, the child tortures and torments him/herself forever with "guilt" and feeling a failure.
You have done all you can. It is time to move along. Your father is, in all likelihood beyond help. Please do not invest your money, and quite honestly your time. If you find you are able, visit occ. and reassure your Dad that you are sorry for what he has come to in his life, that it pains you to see him suffer because he is "Dad". But that you cannot continue to be abused at his hands whether he is cognizant of what he is doing, or not. Then leave. And return when you have the strength. Bring flowers. Whatever. You and I both know that this won't help Dad really, nor make him either know nor love you. But it will reassure you in your own soul that you are still giving him what you are able.
But for the most part, move on with your own life now. You have two chances at family. The one you are born into, and the one you make with friends and relations who are able to love you back for your investment of love and loyalty. I wish you all the luck in the world. As I said, you DO have insight. You KNOW you have done what you can. It is indeed exactly time for love from a far distance.And that you are able still to love is the star in your crown.
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