Dad has been in a NH for 18 months. He's 92 and has been gaining considerable weight in the last 2 years (largely due to stress eating I suspect) and I am at my wits end. When I put he and Mom into the NH 18 months ago it was because she was suffering from dementia and would not go in alone. Within months of arrival he became less independent and although we lost Mom almost a year ago he and I both agree he could no longer live alone. Unfortunately he's in Canada and I'm in the US so I can't bring him to live with me and need to be satisfied with speaking to him daily and visiting every 6 weeks.
When my parents arrived at the NH I forewarned the staff that Dad has limited self-control when it comes to food; you put it in front of him and he'll eat the plate clean. As a result at 5'6 he's outgrown the jeans I bought him at Christmas (6 weeks ago) and now needs a 40" waist. He's currently using a walker and getting limited exercise even though I've tried to coax him to move more. The approach of the NH is that he shouldn't be limited in what he's allowed to eat at this stage of life and while I don't want him to feel deprived it puts me in a difficult position. When I travel 9 hours and book accommodation for a week at a time he and I both want him to be able to get in the car with me and get some fresh air and a change of scenery. At his current weight it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to move him around when I visit. I encourage him to exercise, he tells me he will and yet the weight increases.
In no way do I expect the NH to police his food but at some point I will be unable to take him out when I visit and at that point may need to rethink how I justify week long trips of only sitting for several hours per day in the NH lounge.
Has anyone else dealt with this? I spoke to the dietitian last summer to no avail, perhaps I was too easy-going??
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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Zyprexa is a drug that often causes weight and blood sugar level changes. After you’ve determined whether or not his meds are possibly responsible, request that he be seen for blood work. If there are issues in blood sugar levels, the residence may be able to serve him large volume reduced calorie foods.
Good luck- a VERY tough issue for you and for him!
How often do your brothers visit him?
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I broke both of my wrists in October (not related to Dad) and dislocated my hip replacement in August (again, not related to Dad) which means driving 9 hours is a lot for me physically particularly if it means that I get up there and can't do more than sit with him for several hours per day then go back to a rental and repeat each day for 5 more days. If the time and cost is going to be absorbed I want him to get the most he can out of the visits.
Perhaps this is me being selfish but I know the pain that both of us are in having lost my mom (obviously him more than me) and I'm doing my best to give him the best quality of life I possibly can. I can't even imagine having to break the news that I won't be able to take him out due to his and my mobility.
At the advice of several I'm going to have another word with the staff, particularly the dietitian and see if we can switch him to a low sodium diet. He's well aware that he needs to do something with his weight for health and comfort reasons and we've had at least half a dozen conversations that he's initiated so I know that he'll be onboard. Again thanks.
My mother is 93 and has gained around 50 lbs in Assisted Living & now Memory Care. Who cares, really? Is she suffering extra issues as a result. Yep. Am I going to be able to stop her from eating as she sees fit? Nope. So I'm not fighting that particular battle with her, thank you very much. She dieted her whole entire life and now she just doesn't care anymore, and frankly, I don't blame her. If this weight gain shortens what's left of her life, so be it. She's lived a nice long life as it is.
Wishing you the best of luck!
Does he like going out? Does he realllly understand that very soon you will not be able to take him out? What does he suggest you guys do when you visit if you can't take him out? Can he come up with answers to these questions?
He might have a strong sugar addiction at this point so maybe he really has a hard time controlling it. He is not likely to have the desire or skill to cut the sugar. He doesn't seem to mind getting fatter and fatter. It's hard. My mom weighs 50 - 75 more than she should and just does not care.
I do not think it is the fault of the NH. I mean, sure, they serve crappy food and other crappy food is available. But it is his choice on what he eats or not.
You might have to bite your tongue and just accept this.
My concern would be that his body is used to a certain weight and now he has gained, it could effect his heart.
Prior to the move there he had his numbers and insulin down to a science, walked daily and maintained a reasonable weight. Unfortunately the stress of my mom's dementia and all the life changes in the last year are likely what's causing the stress eating. Each week the NH has bingo games and the winners receive mini-chocolate bars plus he does go to the 'tuck shop' although I'm sure he's fibbing about how much he's buying. While I am POA he has cash on him for the month long periods when I'm 500 miles away. This is something that I hate to curtail, he's isolated enough as it is but....
His mentally in great shape and with the exception of occasional calls from my brother's and the widows of old buddies (all of them at least 2 hours away) I'm his connection to the outside world so it's no wonder he's eating his emotions.
Perhaps I'm being too easy-going with the NH. I've always felt you catch more flies with honey but in this case I think a different approach is necessary.