I am moving my grandmother, who is in a nursing home in Oklahoma, into my house in Texas. What all do I need to take care of with the move?

Many posts on this forum about it. Do a search and read them. Be forewarned that you may not like what you read about moving her into your home and becoming her primary caregiver. Keep an open mind. Be open to changing your mind.

I would read around this site before I would move your grandmother in with you. Financially, if you do not keep your career, you will be relinquished to a future of low pay and not accumulating retirement benefits.

Just because she doesn't want to pay for a nursing home doesn't mean that it is not where she needs to be. Her son has already burned out, this could be your future too, there is a lot more to this than originally meets the eye.

I would really think this through before signing up for a life changing event.

My mother is 94, and I see her living for a few more years, your grandmother could live this long or longer.

As NY DIL states, there's a lot to consider.  

1.   Do you have a caregiver contract, or planning to have one prepared, establishing the terms of payment and care?  It may seem offensive to consider this for someone as close as a grandparent, but it's really appropriate to avoid future issues.

2.    Was your brother a paid caregiver?   If not, there may be issues to your being paid.

3.    What are her physical conditions?  That would dictate how she can move from OK to TX,    Why was she in a nursing home?   Can she travel w/o medical assistance, i.e., a non EMS vehicle?   Will the trip require overnight stays?

4.    Your profile states that she has " age-related decline, arthritis, and mobility problems. "

Does your home need to be retrofitted and/or accommodated for these conditions?  I.e.,  walker, rollator or wheelchair accommodation in widening pathways, adapting a bathroom, etc.?   Or a ramp outside?   Grab bars in open areas as well as critical bathroom areas?

5.   If you do need to make adaptations, do you have a contractor for them, and who will pay for them?  I'm thinking of basics like grab bars, ramps if necessary, in-home care (again if necessary), transportation if she's not able to go in a car, etc.

I've learned over the last few years that good contractors are in high demand and short supply.   I've stood up by some, and repairs and alterations don't get done.    You don't want to be in a position of just adapting until a contractor is ready, available and interested if retrofitting is required.   

6.   Do you have young children at home?   Husband?    What accommodations will be made for her room and other needs?

7.    As to financial questions, we can only make general suggestions; you shouldn't be sharing personal information online, so those aspects of the financial side are something for you to identify, then ask questions.  We have no idea what your situation is.

Do you have projected costs and a budget for them?  

8.   Have you begun a search for a medical team?    I think I would want one in place before she arrives, just in case.    Are you planning to order medical records from treating physicians, so new physicians can get up to speed quickly?

8.  Do you work, and if so, what arrangements will she need while you're gone?     Is there a Senior Center with vehicles that could get her and take her to a Center for companionship and entertainment while you're at work?

9.   What other plans are under consideration for social interaction?  

There are other issues, such as eventual long term care, that I'm sure others will address.


Perhaps the best way is to work with your brother to develop lists of all the expenses and issues he encountered, then compare them to your financial, health and living situation to identify potential issues to address.

Note: Medicare will not move her to your home or Texas.
Medicaid will not move her (if she is on any programs they don’t automatically transfer).
if on a Medicare advantage plan it won’t cross state or in many cases county lines. Research in your area because time window to change is limited.
Check in your area before the move because many doctors are not taking new patients. Are prescriptions up to date? You don’t want a gap if you can’t find care provider quickly.
Medicaid in Texas is a 5 year lookback. If uncle was paid, be prepared to account for transfers of money. If not declared income she may be denied Medicaid if grandmother needs it.
Are you ready to provide care of 3 shifts of caregivers that leave and can take sick days etc? Even if on hospice you won’t get 24/7 help with caregiving. You might consult with an attorney with her to determine if she’s willing to give you power of attorney etc. if not you could be getting involved in sticky situation without info or legal standing you need. Once she moved in, you have to go thru eviction process if she doesn’t want to leave.

Knowing her diagnosis would help.
Your question is a big one, I’m kinda exhausted thinking about what’s ahead for you should you actually move her to your home.
Good Luck

thehall6, in a nutshell, you will need to set up your home similar to that of your Grandmother's nursing home. Remember, she was in a nursing home for a reason. And be prepared to work up to 168 hours each week as time progresses.

Your Uncle no longer wants the responsibility, and many of us here can fully understand that, it can be quite exhausting, especially if one is a senior themselves trying to care for a much older senior. With your youth, you might do ok.

Don’t. Do. It. You will lose your privacy, personal life, social life, and you will become overwhelmed. If MIL can afford NH, find a good one close to your home if you want her near. Or where she is so her son can look after her but not as a caregiver. So many testimonials on this site that can help you see how overwhelming this will be.... best wishes..