Getting so much worse!!!

I'm a caregiver to my 90 year old gran with similar health conditions to your mom.
After some observation , I decided to pretend that I am in charge of a big , elderly baby so I moved to suit. If you had a very tall, very smart baby in your house what would you do ? This :
All sharp objects are in drawers with locks . Knives etc . All glass wear and breakable items are stored away, high up. Mama gets crockery if I'm near her when she's eating and I can clear it when she's done but only plastic is available to her on the occasions when she gets up super early and goes walking around the kitchen . Matches and lighters are hidden , I removed the knobs from the stove just like you . We put a child lock on the cupboard that is low down and left the plastic plates , forks and cups in plain sight . In the fridge , the water jug is also plastic .
I purchased locks for the two garden gates so even if she wanders outside ( she is fast when she wants to be ) she cannot get out of the yard. Do you have gates you can lock ? If not , is there any way to get second hand gates to install ?
I have a pile of books with nice photographs for her to look at. Home decor and travel books . She was interested in decorating when she was of sound mind . Perhaps your mom liked something enough back in the day to still want to look at material about it in present time . Enrichment is important as dementia sufferers can still get very bored and frustrated with their life and might lose the way to say that . So activities , " toys " , mama has several stuffed bears and baby dolls that she looks after , chores , mama can fold laundry like no one else , entertainment , movies , treats like diabetic ice cream or fruit etc.
On sunny days we sit outside on chairs and spend a few hours reading or making things while mama wanders around or chats with us . Do you have an outdoor area where you can chill with her ?
I installed cable in mama's room and gave her a tv which she watches very often and enjoys . If you can't afford cable perhaps a DVD player and get some old movies that she might like to play for her . You can ask on Facebook marketplace groups if anyone has she's they're willing to part with . Surprisingly , Mama loved La La land ,as she loves musicals even though it's a modern film. What was your moms favourite movie ? What singers did she enjoy ?
We started giving mama chamomile tea in the morning , and at night . It's a herbal tea that can calm the drinker and make them slightly sleepy as well. We didn't want to use sleeping pills recommended by the doctor as we did not like how zombie like and woozy she was the next day so we tried the tea and it worked wonders . Just be mindful that if your mom is on blood pressure meds , do not over do it on the tea as chamomile is a natural blood pressure reducer . We cleared the use of this tea with mama's doctor and now we have the situation in hand without endangering her health . Chamomile is also naturally without caffeine. Mama gets one regular caffinated tea or hot chocolate for diabetics at mid day . That's it . We found that caffeine made things worse so look into that.
You posted in Feb before covid 19 became what it is now . How are you managing ? Did any of the suggestions here help you ? I hope so.
My suggestions worked for and were tailored for my particular darling so it might not work for you but take what you can from what I wrote and I really wish you well. I know you're tired . Take care of you xxx hugs .

HUGS my friend! HUGS....

Spend down the $19k on her. You can put up $1500 in a burial trust (that’s medi-cals limit) and you can also buy a burial plot if she doesn’t have one & will be buried. Get new hearing aids, dentures, dental work, new glasses. I would get a couple pairs of glasses and an back up pair of hearing aid if she uses them because they are likely to get lost. Find her a good memory care and self-pay the first few months while her medi-cal app is being processed.

Here is a link from the Alzheimer's Association discussing tips to prevent wandering:

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/stages-behaviors/wandering

When a dementia patient talks about wanting to 'go home', they are generally expressing a need for comfort of some kind. It is up to YOU to determine what type of comfort they need; ie: change of briefs, food, warmth, a hug, etc. Since they are normally unable to vocalize their specific need, it can become a guessing game as to what they truly need. Distraction is always a great technique to use as well. Here is another link on this subject:

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/i-want-go-home-what-to-say-to-someone-in-dementia-care

I also recommend YouTube videos (any and all) by Teepa Snow who is an expert in dementia. Not only is she informed, she is quite humorous and you'll find yourself enjoying her commentaries quite a bit, if you're like me! I am required to watch them for my job, and wind up looking forward to them instead of dreading the dryness of the usual group of standard dementia videos. Teepa will help you understand the anger your mother is expressing, and why, what it means, and how to avoid her anger in the first place. You can use certain techniques and tone of voice when dealing with her to keep her calm instead of agitated. That includes holding her hand in a certain fashion where your thumb is pressing/pumping on her inner hand; this causes instant comfort & calmness for her! Very neat little tip right there.

And finally, about the kitchen. That can create quite a dilemma. Since dementia sufferers no longer have a grip on what's dangerous, they can easily get themselves into deep trouble in a variety of ways in the kitchen. Also, they lose their sense of smell which means they won't smell a gas leak. They can easily mix ammonia together with bleach to help you clean, and wind up killing themselves as a result, literally. Knowing how the diseased mind is now working will help YOU determine how to make your home a safer place in general.

Firstly, I'd remove ALL glass items from the kitchen and replace them with plastic. If you need to keep certain glass mixing bowls or whatever, put them up high and way out of mother's reach. Then use the child proof devices readily available to lock up all the cabinets that contain hazardous liquids such as bleach, detergents, etc., and this includes the laundry room.

Another suggestion I have is to get your mom a baby doll; many, many women who suffer from dementia LOVE swaddling and 'caring for' a baby doll, as they did when they were younger. The oldest memories go LAST in their diseased minds, so she may enjoy doing such a thing. You can buy one on Amazon (search out Alzheimers dolls) but they're quite expensive. ANY doll will do, as long as you get a blanket to go with it. Dolls can provide hours of comfort to an agitated individual.

Again, knowledge is power. If, for whatever reason, you are unable to place your mother, then you need to study up on all the materials available to you on the internet on the subject of dementia. It's the answer to your prayers.

Wishing you good luck & Godspeed moving forward, my friend. And please don't forget to take care of YOU during this difficult time.

Elder proof your kitchen. I put child safety locks on all the cabinets years ago. I've locked away the knives and anything else sharp more seriously. Child safety locks can be defeated after all.

In terms of your immediate issue. I switched to plastic plates, bowls, cups and glasses years ago too. Unbreakable is the way to go. You can get some plastic dinnerware from Japan that doesn't look like plastic. You don't know until your rap on it that it's not ceramic.

As for medicaid. Why can't your mom qualify?

I am so sorry. I hear the frustration and pain in your writing. Stick around and hopefully someone will have a feasible solution for you.

I would be very concerned if I had your situation too. You have so much on your plate. I hope you are able to find relief soon.

I am so sorry for all you are enduring. Does your mother see a physician at all? Hopefully she might be able to despite the financial issues you have. Perhaps if so she might be placed on some medication. There are medications which slow down the loss of memory issues. There are also ones to help with agitation. I am not implying you overly drug your mother but suggesting she get some help for her behavior.

You too might benefit from a generic antidepressant. You have so much to deal with that of course is certainly exhausting. I understand the need to save money but if you have a Target nearby you might purchase some dinnerware items in melamine. They are reasonable there and very hard to break.

There are posters here who live in California and are generally knowledgeable about care services in the state. I hope you might get some responses from them.

Put a slide lock high up on the door where she won't notice and can't easily reach, and you can also buy inexpensive alarms to alert you when the door is opened.
If she is a wander risk you should alert your local police department, they can keep a file on her and many also can provide a bracelet to help find her if she goes out and gets lost.
You may need to lock your drawers cupboards except for one with unbreakables that she can access. Unplug the microwave and disable the stove too if that's a problem.