Almost a year ago my father had a heart attack and ongoing cardiac issues, my mom diagnosed with Dementia and in a SNF has moved into the mother in law suite at my house. He literally has made me choose between caring for him and my relationship as he is not realistic about the work my boyfriend should be doing around my house so I asked my boyfriend to move out just so I didn't have to be in the middle. I am getting depressed and lonely at 40 and think I have made a HUGE mistake with this move.
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Maybe a drs. visit warranted. Write a note telling the doctor how Dad is. Also, mention that him living with u in not working. What does he suggest an independent living or Assisted living.
I am not saying this because I think u should still have Dad living with you, just a little insight. Dads world has been turned upside down. The person he relied on is now in an NH and may have no idea who he is. He found out he is mortal. That heart attack could have killed him. It takes a while to bounce back. All he has familiar is you.
If ur going to continue this living arrangement, then u need to set boundries. First of all your not his wife. Second, he is living in your home so your rules. You refuse to be his entertainment. He has to have a life of his own and you do too. Call your Office of Aging to find out what is available in ur area. Maybe an adult care or a Senior center. Maybe Church, they have things going on other than Sunday.
So now you need to undo the mistake. Whether or not you can rekindle your relationship with your fellow is questionable. He is not likely to trust that you will not dump him at a moment’s notice again.
Dad needs to live elsewhere. IL, AL whatever can meet his medical and social needs.
You need to get some therapy and work through why you threw your relationship under the bus.
Good luck.
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So, time for a bit of tough love here:
You chose this yourself... out of what's known as FOG: Fear, Obligation, Guilt. He has likely been pulling things like this, expecting his way or no way, for a long time. No loving dad would put you through this. Deep down inside you is the little girl who wants to make Daddy happy and be loved. I can assure you this will not happen. It's hard to let go of the hope and it's even harder to accept.
It's not about the boyfriend not doing what father thought he should at home. Dad simply wants to be #1 and wanted BF out of his way. He didn't give a damn if you were happy with the BF. Doesn't care about your future. Doesn't care if you're miserable. Why would you choose this over someone who cared about you?!
As for telling him to back off, there is no point. He is not going to change or realize what he's done. You'll never be able to convince him.
The "but it's my dad" notion is no longer valid when he doesn't act like a dad.
Best of luck taking your life back!