My mother has bonded with a caretaker we have hired from an agency. The caretaker constantly tells me that my mother is " her Mom " and that she is a daughter to my mother and a sister to me.
I find this very inappropriate. My mother has short term memory loss, lives alone and her caretaker is very good for her on many levels and they have bonded which I support, but the caretaker appears to always
re-iterate to my mom that my mom is "her Mom", that "I am her sister"
"we are her family". I hear these comments from her to my Mom several time a week if not every day. My mother is bonded to her and I don't want to replace her but it appears unprofessional to me and borderline creepy.
What should I do?
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The line is drawn when sentiments are they are "Like a family", or
"better than one's own family". That can be sentimental but is usually understood by all it is just a sentiment. Not a fact. Or, people will say: "I am adopting you as my family".
When the real family is offended or concerned, or the sentiment is taken too far, put a stop to it. The caregiver could be delusional or just trying to find a place to belong. Lacks appropriate boundaries.
What you do is talk to the agency, demanding the caregiver be more professional. When she states this in front of you, correct her in a strong way. "She is not your Mom, you are not my sister".
You could make light of it, to say: "If that were true, we would not be paying you".
Just awesome; this should be a bumper sticker
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Either you talk to the caregiver or contact the agency and they should have a talk with the caregiver.
I do hope the caregiver does not have access to any accounts, credit cards or any other private sensitive information. And I hope your mom does not have access to credit cards, cash, checkbook or any other financial information. I also hope there are no valuables in the house that mom could give to her "daughter"
I agree with you! My brother has POA for my 97 year old mother & I haven’t been allowed to see her in over 2 years because he is being spiteful & controlling.
He moved some random woman into her home since she is no longer safe living alone. This woman was evicted from the trailer park she was living in & has credit problems. She has full access to all my mother’s info & house.
There was no background check done on her & she is not licensed or certified. My mother has had dementia for quite a few years now & I think her calling my mother “ma” is very suspicious & creepy.
this is creepy. And, she might very well be setting you Mom up for a scam.....sure sounds like it. Calling you sister...and making that connection to you with your Mom. Oh heck no...fire her.
get rid of her now.
It reminds me of a run in I had with my mom’s house long time house cleaner who claimed to know my mom better than I did and thought she could tell me how to care for my mother. My mom absolutely adored her. To make a very long story short, house cleaner has been fired and life is more peaceful. Turns out she was a poison pill trying to sabotage my relationship with my mom.
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