I'm about to lose my mind. My mom (84) and I have never had a true "mother daughter" relationship. I'm the oldest of 4 kids & her 3 marriages. Even my own therapist thru the years stated I was the adult in our relationship, even when I was a child. My Gram (her mom) was my mentor/guardian in my late teen yrs. Anyhow...shes gotten herself into a financial mess and is looking into a Debt Mgmt Plan, however she won't be 100% honest w them. Now I'm the wicked one as I tell her point blank, she needs to be fully forthcoming & tell them of all her debt & her health as they're telling her she'll need to get a job to fill the shortage. Shes suppose to be on 5 ltrs of O2 24/7, failed all 5 of the short term memory recall test (yes Alzheimer's runs in the fam, her aunt had it).
I've tried to talk with her trying to explain, shes not going to get hired shes a high risk liability. She tells me I'm jinxing her, really??? She & us (me & my husband) bought the house back in 2004. So we could help her out keep an eye on her (shed forget meds, putting on her O2. My husband was in a bad accident at his work & has been on disability since 2009. So we dont as much money as we use to. Long of it...my last 2 siblings I have left (a younger brother passed in 2017 @ 58yr old), his brother from her 2nd marriage & my sister from the 3rd marriage. They barely spend 2-6 hrs a week with her if that. Both of them sugar coat everything with her. Even encourage this crazy behavior, so then I'm the enemy. They don't/cant face the truth how bad she's getting. I've asked them to help....only they think we should do more. I've carried my Mom an all my siblings for years, I just don't have it anymore....its like since the pot went dry....you're of no use to us. My health is the greatest either. My husband gets frustrated as he has trouble to believe she can't remember....I've told him it's like the motherboard is short circuiting. So it gets to be a battle.....told them both the other night they both act like 2 yr olds pimping & egging one another on fighting. Then I get upset and tell them....knock it off. I think my siblings or a close friend of moms needs to talk w her and be blunt. My words dont get through and its causing problems now in my marriage. It's like I have to make a choice between the two, and I shouldn't have too. Other thing....tonight mom has me read an possible online job....BUT, she has to pay to get the information. Again, I tell her it's a scam, you don't pay to get a job. How do I keep her safe? She has gotten scammed so many times in the last couple years and now it's getting more frequent. I do love my mom, though I may not always like her. Shes always been a controlling person & always got her way per my uncle (God rest his soul). I guess I just needed a place to vent & maybe get unbiased advice. And this looks like a great place. Hopefully someone has words of wisdom. Thank you.....
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Your mother really needs to get a complete medical evaluation. If she was having memory issues back in 2004 and is still functional today, her problems might not be ALZ. There are a number of treatable health issues that can cause memory issues. A proper diagnosis can help you know what may be coming and plan for it.
Depending on who your mother's debtor's are, a good debt management group may be able to arrange reduced fees and interest rates, sometimes even a debt write-out, to allow your mother to get clear. I'm somewhat surprised they would suggest a job to an 84 year old; sounds like your mother is being _very_ short on her facts with them or you have an agent who is not very experienced or practical.
Your mother wants reality to be different from what it actually is. She isn't going to change. The only thing you can change is how you handle it, and where you put your boundaries, so that you can support her as far as possible without jeopardising your own wellbeing or your husband's.
So. Here, you can't convince her of anything. She's going to get a job! She'll pay off all her debts! And be rich! And get everyone presents! Yay!!! It's going to be wonderful.
She does not want to hear that this is so very improbable and impractical. So she doesn't hear what you say, she just hears disagreeable noises and asks you to stop being mean to her.
Who else is involved in her care? Health or social care teams, anybody?
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