My mom has stage 4 metastasized breast cancer. I’m her oldest daughter and only caregiver. We just lost my other sister a month ago. She was very controlling with mom (loved her dearly though) so I didn’t make many decisions. I’m her POA but stayed back due to conflict with sister. My mom is deteriorating quickly but I’m not sure I can handle all this by myself. Hospice helps some but I am really struggling moving in with mom since the room I’ll be sleeping in is the one where my sister just died. I visited an Assisted Living facility and all I can say is I would love to live there. My other sister is sad I’m thinking about placing mom but she understands. She works all the time and can’t help me. I feel part of the reason my sister died was she was so depressed about mom dying and put too much on herself. I don’t want to end up like her. I want the best for mom but I’m torn on what to do. Mom probably will be disappointed in me if I try and place her but I need help. I would visit mom daily and I feel real good about this place. Mom has fallen twice, doesn’t take her pills correctly, needs someone to make her meals , very forgetful and weak, needs help with baths, can’t hardly hear or see anymore and is very forgetful. I’m not sure if mom will live another day or another 3 months. Am I being selfish thinking about doing this? Should I just toughen up and move with her?
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My Dad loved his senior facility. We use to joke about his "college dorm" room. And Dad brought all of his bookcases and books. Dad also was a fall risk and would forget to take his pills, thus the senior facility would handle that. The meals at Dad's place were outstanding so that was a huge plus, as Dad wouldn't forget about breakfast, lunch, and dinner times :)
This was so helpful for me because I knew he was getting good care. Plus I would ask Dad if he could change anything about the place, what would change. He would smile and say everything is perfect.
I was glad my Dad was in good hands, as for me being a senior citizen myself, I just couldn't do everything and Dad understood that. When my Mom was still alive, she was a handful refusing to realize that she and Dad [both 90+] needed more help than I could give. Mom refused strangers in the house, and refused to downsize. In her eyes, I was still that 25 year old who had a ton of energy, not 65+ with my own age decline issues.
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Hospice should be bathing Mom at least 3x a week.
Do what is right for her, you sound like you are in over your head. Sending support your way!
Mum may need a higher level of care than AL. You need to have her assessed to determine which level of care she needs.