How do I handle Mom's requests to return home? She is now in the dementia/ Alzheimer's unit of a nursing home for a year and a half.

Caregiver1954 here: No. Mom is referring to her apartment that she had before going into the nursing home. Sh asks me if the rent has been paid, are the utility bills being paid, have any of her neighbors asked about her, etc. She has already said to me that she knows her apartment has been given up due to her absence and that I am lying to her when I tell her she still has it. She has moderate dementia and still has a foot in reality. She's told me to take whatever I want from the apartment for myself if she's not going back. There are days when her frame of mind is in a positive mood, that she thinks she likes where she is and could possibly stay there but that is not frequent. When I've told her that IF her apartment was given away, she could be comfortable where she is, she was Adamant about Not staying and that she'd rather live in the street rather than the nursing home. Mom is NOT at a total loss. I am still juggling with emotions on how to deal with this topic. I feel if she knew for sure she no longer had her place, she'd give up. And that hope of going home is what is keeping her going. I'll figure it out, thank you for all of the responses.

Saying "I want to go home" does not necessarily mean she wants to 'go home', but to a place in time which she fondly remembers but no longer exists. It can also mean that she's seeking comfort of some type; toileting, hunger, thirst, anxiety.......it's up to you to figure out which type of comfort she needs & then attend to it. Oftentimes a baby doll they can swaddle and care for is helpful for people suffering from dementia and could be worth a try for your mom. This may not apply to her if you feel that her dementia is not advanced enough, I don't know. I'm just speaking in generalities about the disease itself.

The condition of not believing she has anything wrong with her is known as Anosognosia. Changes in the brain cause individuals with mental illness, brain tumors, stroke, Alzheimer's disease and other forms of dementia to truly believe that there is nothing wrong with them.

I work in a Memory Care home & we house 2 former doctors; a husband & wife team who suffer from dementia. Lovely people, I am fond of them both. Almost every shift I work, the wife knocks on the lobby door to be let out. I open the door, greet her & ask what I can help her with, knowing what's coming next.
"We will be checking out tomorrow morning" she informs me, clipboard & pencil in hand. "Will we need to let anyone know? Will we need money to pay the cab driver? Can you arrange a cab for us?" I tell her I'll be happy to arrange a cab for her at 10 am and that I'll inform the Executive Director of their departure via email. She's happy with that resolution and goes back to her suite, only to repeat the process a couple of days later.

Why not tell your mother she can go home once her doctor gives the okay for her to do so. Naturally, that's not going to happen, so distraction is the key for the meantime. Use that statement each time she brings up the desire to go home.......it's really all you can do under the circumstances.

I feel your pain. My mother has dementia & lives in Memory Care. I deal with chronic issues from her every week, sometimes every day. I truly hate this disease with every fiber of my being. It robs the sufferer of her entire quality of life, and the family of their peace of mind. Wishing you the best of luck managing your mom and her issues.

Tell her, I understand you want to go home. It's getting late, maybe tomorrow. That sometimes comforts them.

Caregiver1954, many on this forum will tell you that she is most likely referring to her childhood home, not her adult home that she just left. You can tell your mom a "therapeutic fib", like the doctor needs to approve her going home, or something else so that it's not an emotionally exhausting revisiting of that question. Also, there is a medical name for her inability to recognize her own condition, so this too is common but nothing can be done about it. May you gain peace in your heart as you journey down this path!