What do I tell my mom? She doesn't understand why she is living in a nursing home.

My MIL, who has been in LTC since 2016, called me at 7am yesterday to say there's been a mistake and why is she in this place? Every once in a while she'll bring this up. I respond like she's in rehab and that we're waiting for the doctor to give her the green light to leave. Groundhog Day. 50 First Dates. Find the quickest, easiest answer that satisfies her. I liked the one, “Why don’t we chat about it when I come tomorrow?” I'm gonna use that next call and see how she responds. May you have peace in your heart on this journey.

It is painful to attempt to convince an LO with dementia, and of no benefit to them for you to try, so conversing about what she’s doing in the moment (watching TV, visiting with friends in the day room, looking at photos, etc.) is hopefully more pleasant.

Let her lead the conversation, but navigate it your way by choosing something innocuous about what she’s said and amplifying on that.

“Why don’t we chat about it when I come tomorrow?” seems to work pretty well too.
Safe, supervised, medically managed, basic needs, peaceful, all good.

Sadly, the dementia renders the person unable to comprehend the reasons. The ability to process information and reason it out are gone. So, I'd not continue to try to get through to her. I'd try another approach as others have described on this site. Some people, say the doctor has to review things, make determinations, do paperwork, get approved by insurance, etc. Lots of things to get through, before she would leave, but, it's in the works. This might satisfy her for the moment.

Also, I'd keep in mind that when a person with dementia keeps asking why they can't go home or live alone, it might not be that they are persistent. IT might be due to them forgetting that you have already explained it. My LO would forget in 5 minutes what I had told her, so her repeatedly questioning me about going home was not to be persistent. She had forgotten my answer that was given 5 minutes previously. So, I had to keep giving her the same answer, like it was the first time she asked it. I even wrote the answers to her most common questions in a notebook and put it in her room. I said when you have questions, read the notebook. But, it didn't help at all. She forgot to read it and even when she did read it, the words held no meaning to her any longer.

I'd keep in mind that she may not continue to ask these questions forever. Often, after a while, she'll stop doing it.

I would tell her that when you receive a letter from her doctor saying that she can leave, you will take it under consideration, until then she stays where she is. Of coarse the doctor will never write the letter. Good Luck!

Your mother is suffering from Anosognosia which is a condition that causes someone to be unaware of their mental health condition and how it affects them. It's common in some conditions, including dementia. So, someone who has been properly diagnosed with dementia, but has anosognosia, doesn't know or believe that they have dementia. It's tough to know WHAT to tell her, but your best bet is to say that her doctor prescribes her to live where she's at and have her medications administered and to have her cared for properly.

My mother suffers from dementia also & lives in a Memory Care community for the past 5+ years. Just recently, she's decided she lives with ME and asks why I'm not going to pick her up! I remind her that she's been living where she's at for over 5 years now, but I don't think it sinks in at ALL. So we've been having the same 'talk' every night for a while now.

It's not easy this whole mess with dementia, is it? I hate the condition with every ounce of my being and wish they'd find a cure for it and a vaccination against it.

Wishing you the best of luck