Mom refuses to get a doctor, what can I do?

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Shivaya Asked February 2020

Mom refuses to get a doctor, what can I do?

I have Durable POA, Medical POA, and Living Will from her. I believe she has a blood clot in her right leg. She refuses to go to a doctor or emergency room. Told not to call ambulance/EMT, she would refuse their care too. What now? She is in little to no pain and moves around well with and without her walker. She is in a good mood, eats well and stays hydrated because I see to that.

Care Decisions Elder Law Power of Attorney (POA) Refusing Care

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score 2 · Answer 1

At age 96, and her clear in her wishes, I’d just let it be. She may see it as a quick easy way to go, and that is her choice.

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score 2 · Answer 2

I may call 911 just to get her refusal on record.

I guess she realizes that the clot could break off and go to her lungs or heart and kill her?

The doctor will probably just start out trying to dissolve it.

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I am seriously considering calling 911, especially if she won't let me set her up with a doctor for in home hospice. She doesn't appear to be completely against that idea. I will bring it up again after the weekend.

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score 2 · Answer 3

You can call 911 and have them check her out. You can let THEM try to talk to her about treatment.

If she is refusing medical care, does she want hospice?
I completely get not wanting to go to the hospital for a bunch of unpleasant and painful tests. Hospice would give her some extra help and comfort care only.

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I have discussed getting a doctor that handles in home hospice care this past Wednesday. She hasn't totally rejected that idea. I plan on bring it up again on Monday. The good news is, the swelling has gone down by almost a third, and is just above the knee whereas it was 2/3rds of the way up her thigh. Her mood is good, mind is really clear, her appetite has improved and she drinks whatever I put in front of her. She had me make an appt with her hairdresser for Sunday. It's been quite the rollercoaster for more than a month.

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score 3 · Answer 4

I think, I knew, there wasn't much I could do about mom and her refusal for medical help. It isn't easy, but I will honor her wishes, the best I can. Thanks for your replies.

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That is really all you can do. I know it is hard but that is what she wants at this time.

Good luck to you and your mom!!

(3)

score 1 · Answer 5

My dad has pains in different areas. He is also refusing to go to a doctor. He just wants to sleep. I offered to get him transportation that takes wheelchairs. But he refused. So I just let him be.

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It really is hard knowing when to push and when to back off. At times doctor appointments or ER trips are necessary. My mom’s blood pressure dropped really low. That was a valid reason. Other times too were times that they have to go.

I was fortunate because my mom would tell me when she felt ‘off.’ She wanted to go to see what was wrong. If your dad doesn’t want to that is a tough situation to be in.

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score 2 · Answer 6

There isn't much you can do if she is competed then she has a right to refuse treatment.

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score 3 · Answer 7

If she is mentally competent she still gets to make her own decisions. Does she have dementia?

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No, she's almost 96 and only gets confused/forgetful when she's over tired. She is still competent and takes care of herself (with only some help from me bathing and dressing), and her financial affairs etc.

(2)

Mom refuses to get a doctor, what can I do?

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