Has anyone ever had to let a long term caregiver go? My elderly mom’s caregiver of 4 years, just doesn’t do the things we ask her to do.

I think this is a great mistake. How active do you expect a 97 year old to be? If she is happy with her caregiver of all this time, and wants now to watch TV and read gossip magazines, is that not enough for you, that she is happy this way? Do you feel that getting more active will give her life to 107? Is that what she wants? Why should she now be pushed? Has she no longer anything to say about her own life? I will put it this way. If I had a caregiver of 4 years, to me that is now a FRIEND (unless of course I dislike her!). For my child to rob me of the friend who is actually THERE at my side for me, allowing me to do what I want (I imagine true crime podcasts myself, should I make it that long)? I think it cruel in all honestly. I understand you are wanting her to "use it" lest she "lose it" and this is an honest, honorable and real concern. I am just saying, she is at an age where she has lost control of everything in her life. Please allow her the dignity of some choice where you are able. Come to some sort of agreement; like you can sit in and watch TV if you do gentle exercises for 1/2 hour a.m. and p.m. Something. Wishing you luck. I know you love her and want her to do as well as she can; I understand your approach is one of love. But perhaps it is hard for you to imagine how tired one gets. I am 78. I understand it more every single day. Wishing you peace with your decision; know you heart is in the right place.

Will your mother cooperate with the activities you want with another caregiver? That would be my bigger question. I definitely wouldn’t pay for someone to deliberately not do what I’d asked in caregiving. But I’d wonder with your mother’s age and conditions if she’d cooperate with anyone

It sounds as though the two have developed a friendship of sorts and at 97 friends are hard to come by, would it be possible to hire someone in addition to the old caregiver rather than replacing her altogether? I always like having more than one person because different people have different strengths, an added benefit to this is that one can cover for the other when they need time off.

Nanajan1234, sounds like your mom is getting social interaction with this lady. If the care giver, that YOU hired, is not providing the service that you hired her for then I can understand why.you arenuoset. What does mom say? Will hiring a new caregiver ensure that mom will be more mobile? Is the current care lady honest and trustworthy?

I ask these things out of experience. I have had the worst luck with lazy thieves. No interaction with mom, leaving her in wet depends and stealing money and items. I had to pick my battles and currently have someone who is a God send. Mom is interacted with and taken care of. Mom's hair may not get brushed until I get home but her urine is not burning her skin from not being changed.

Good luck with your decision.

Who knows if she will adjust? At 97, she's earned the right not to be gently encouraged to do anything she's not interested in doing, in my opinion. If she likes the caregiver & they have a good time together, I'd let them be.....after 4 years together, I'm sure this whole arrangement is more about companionship than anything else.

Good luck!

Introduce the new caregiver as a friend of yours who will be visiting and helping her with “things”. If she seems very upset about the old caregiver, tell her she’s visiting her family or on vacation and will be back “soon”.