My parents have health issues (my dad is wheelchair bound) and both parents have dementia. They want to go home from hospital. Suggestions?

Dennys, my thought is that even if you don't intervene in some way now that they are out of the house, this will still turn into a dumpster fire again eventually. And by eventually, I mean pretty soon after they get back home. If I were you I'd deal with it now since their being outside the home is a GOLDEN opportunity to place them directly. You can tell them a therapeutic fib that the doc says they need to stay there until _____. Whatever explanation works. I believe you may be able to go to their respective temp facilities and tell them that they are an "unsafe discharge" and don't let them talk you into taking them into your home. Perhaps I would request those facilities perform a cognitive test on them right away. This way the facilities can see they are not making sound decisions. The only other option is to allow them to go back home and then wait for the next emergency then call APS and allow the county to take guardianship of them. This is assuming you're not the PoA. If you are, you have the legal power to help them in the way that they need, not want.

I read more in your profile. So their home is an hour away from you? Please make sure the discharge folks know this. It would definitely be an unsafe discharge if they were to be discharged to home. Let the facilities they are in now be the bad guys.

And please keep us updated as to how this goes. You know that their discharge to home can in no way work, no matter what they tell the discharge people. Make sure everyone hears it often that there is no help for them at home, and that your mother fires any caregiver that's been previously hired.

You could trying lying to them. Take one at a time to the chosen facility, tell them it's just another rehab for "a few weeks until you get better." Facility staff will support you in that. You might be surprised how easy it is and how easily they back down in the face of "experts." And there's ice cream! Depending on their degree of dementia, they may complain and insist on going home, but they will be unable to initiate any series of actions to leave the facility. This would work better with secured memory care, of course. If they must sign paperwork, so be it. Tell them it's just more hospital and insurance paperwork. They won't really be able to read it and comprehend it, but they may pretend they understand it to save face. You may be surprised at how far gone they really are and how easy it is to deceive and manipulate them--which is another thing you have to be aware when they're at home, vulnerable to scammers.

"The only thing I can suggest is that you and others do not make up for what they can no longer do, if they are truly independent, they will do their own shopping, doctors visits, cooking and so on. Non compliance on your part, will force the issue."

Exactly. If they are legally competent, they are responsible....NOT YOU.

When you say "we" is it you and your sibling(s)?

If you go and pick up the pieces of their inevitable catastrophes, this will not work. You MUST detach and let them fail.

Start talking to the hospital and nursing home administration, social workers, discharge persons, whomever, and tell them these folks cannot go home. Also tell them that you can no longer take care of their needs at home. Make it very clear that if these folks are discharged to home and not a facility there is nothing you can do.

Not much you can do if you or no one else who is rational, has their DPOA.

The only thing I can suggest is that you and others do not make up for what they can no longer do, if they are truly independent, they will do their own shopping, doctors visits, cooking and so on. Non compliance on your part, will force the issue.

I would also try to get them to get all their legal documents in order.

Good Luck!