What is a reasonable amount of time to visit my husband who is in a nursing home? He is only 58 able to communicate after a stroke.

Poor chap. I'm so sorry to read what's happened to him.

Of course you are the most important person to him; but you can't be the only person who ever liked him? And I'm sure your and his life as a couple has been radically changed, but are you still in touch with your joint social circle?

What I'd suggest is asking for help from friends and seeing if you can get enough of them together to organise a visiting rota. Just say, a rough sketch - Tuesday and Thursday evenings (or afternoons, if some of them would find that easier), they turn up and join in activities with him, or help him with any occupational therapy he's receiving, or just sit and watch tv, or whatever they think they can handle for those two brief hours.

For people who've never encountered stroke close up, this *would* be a challenge and I don't underestimate that. The uninitiated find communication awkward and uncomfortable, they're afraid of saying the wrong thing, they feel a bit useless and helpless. But working in a relay, and starting out on the basis that any socialisation is better than no socialisation, they could do his morale a power of good and feel they've achieved something really worthwhile.

And you'd get two free evenings a week.

Any thoughts?

Like NeedsHelp asked - what’s your husbands prognosis? I think a lot
would depend on that. Is his situation temporary or permanent? What’s his attitude like?

Sorry to hear this, a very challenging situation. Can he text or talk on the phone at all? I think it is reasonable to visit every few days and perhaps text or call in between, and shorter visits unless they are restorative in some way for you. The kind where you walk out feeling good about the time you spent and not overwhelmed by everything else in your life that is still facing you. You need some free time for yourself and a break from all this shuttling around. Good luck :)

People who have had a stroke often have paralysis and speech problems, but their brain power is not so much affected. If your husband can understand you, please talk to him and tell him the strain this is putting on you. He still loves you, if you have any relationship, he must care about you. See if you can reach a conclusion with him about what to do. If you are spending all that time every evening, you can’t have an infinite number of things to talk about, and watching TV together isn’t essential. Skip a night or two, and you might have more to talk about at the following meeting!

You’re in a tough spot. Is the nursing home permanent for your husband? Or more of a rehabilitation type of situation?

Go as often as you feel like you can handle. Don’t push yourself beyond your limits?

Why can’t your mom hire a caregiver ? What about her going into a facility? Then you can be closer to your husband.

Can you tell us a little more about your circumstances please?

Best wishes to and your family.

What a tremendous load you are trying to balance! I don’t see how you can keep up this pace. How functional is your husband? Are you reasonably pleased with his care in the nursing home? I always advocate for visiting the nursing home, but I can’t see how these long visits nightly are sustainable, especially with a job and being a caregiver to another. You definitely need to alter the visiting time, and I hope you’re getting some help with your mother’s needs as well. You’ll break under this, and you need your health. Maybe see hubby every other day and for not so long? I really feel for you and hope you can make some changes