My husband is 83 with mid to late stage Alzheimer's. I am sole caregiver with an aide two days a week for 4 hours each. I am in process of cleaning out my old home to sell which is where my "free" time goes. Almost done thank God. My 95 year old mother still lives on own but feeling lonely as her friends have all died or in nursing homes. Problem my oldest brother thinks I should spend a day a week with her. She lives an hour away from me and my husband gets upset after 20 minutes in car. He keeps putting guilt trip on. I have 1 sister and three brothers only one still working. I feel 3 not working should take on this task. Am I wrong?
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It's not your job to solve that problem. It's hers.
Right now, your hands are more than full. Tell your brother/mother that your husband has no other good choices right now. He is your first responsibility.
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"I can't possibly do more than I doing."
Your mother doesn't have any care needs, as such? This is a matter of her seeing her children, and socialisation in general?
How is your relationship with your mother? Disregard what your brother says; think for yourself whether you would like to see more of her - or maybe call her, if she's okay with phone conversations - and act accordingly.
Don't subject your husband to car journeys or visits that he can't handle, certainly. His needs come first. Or is your brother offering to come and stay with your husband so that you're free to visit your mother..? - no, thought not.
If some of your mother's friends are in nursing homes, perhaps one or more of the three retired siblings might like to take mother to visit them. It would be nice for mother, lovely for the NH residents, and a change of scene/activity for the visiting sibling - win:win:win.
Usually I try to read people's threads with an open mind & don't judge. But your brother is a goat.
Give me his phone number. I'll ring him up for you & tell him.
I would be completely frank and say that you have your own responsibilities. Mom should hire help if they need additional assistance. I am sorry that you are being made to feel guilty.
Maybe she needs some hired help and/or to go into a home.
Just call Mom when u can. If she says she would love to see you just tell her what I said only nicer. Sorry Mom, but DH is not doing well and I can not leave him alone and the drive overwhelms him. I would love to be there but I just can't and I am not sure when I can because DH will just get worse.