I can’t sleep at night thinking my Mom needs me at MC facility. Any advice?

You are describing the behaviors of dementia, and she is in need of a safe environment.

Six weeks is barely long enough for anyone to adjust to a drastic change in lifestyle, without even considering her hallucinations and paranoia. Yes, there are diagnostic tools that can allow a reasonable assessment of dementias. Her repetitive conduct toward your father was clearly the reaction of a very damaged brain, and her verbal behavior and attempts to physically harm you indicate that her reasoning is failing.

It is a terrible realization that we are powerless in the face of this behavior to do anything but provide safety, supervision, basic human needs, and appropriate contacts with others, but we as caregivers must attempt to make peace with our decisions for our LOs for our own welfare. You must learn to walk out of her residence and let her caregivers, who are trained to manage the behaviors of those afflicted by dementia in the best way possible.

You have made the heartbreaking decisions, knowing that no other choices were available to you while attempting to maintain your dad’s environment safely. You must be aware that your decision was an act of courage. You owe that to your father, and equally important, to yourself.

Continue to pray for your mother’s welfare, but please do pray for peace in your own heart as well. You do deserve to begin to have confidence at some point, hopefully soon, that you did your very best.

You are exactly right in that this is a horrible, horrible disease for everyone. You, your mom, your dad, your entire family. It's so very heartbreaking. You see your mother, but it's like the invasion of the body snatchers and some other being has inhabited her body and done something with her. It doesn't get any better either. As Alva said, talk to her doctor and see if there is medication to help calm her. Some people are against medication and that is fine and dandy if the person doesn't need it, but there are others who do need it and it's a godsend when it helps. Even if it keeps someone in a stupor, it is a godsend because that person is no longer in a terrible state of being. We were grateful for the anti-psychotic that my mother was put on. It relieved her anxiety and frustrations and it was worth every pill she took!
Next, I wonder if you just feel guilty for putting her where she is? Don't! Remind yourself that you are doing what is best for her. I felt guilty putting my mother in MC but I also knew I couldn't continue taking care of her and for her to get the care she needed, it meant she had to be put somewhere. It was killing us taking care of her. We knew we tried our best but it wasn't going to be in her best interest if we went downhill. If your mother is getting worse, it's probably not the facility but the disease that is progressing.
I'm sorry you are dealing with the weight of all of this.

I can understand a bit of how you feel leaving your mom there. My mom was never physically violent, so I felt some guilt moving her to assisted living, as it was actually possible to keep her at home. I was just too worn out by that time. For you there really is no other solution. I was told that it takes everyone time to adjust. I hope she settles in. And perhaps fewer visits for a short time will help her do that. Maybe send someone else to check on her, as the sight of you reminds her of home. It's too hard on you to experience her cries, yet you need to know how she is. I visit my mom every day, but it's almost always pleasant, and she rarely asks to go home with me. I don't think I could stand to go and see her in distress all the time.

I am very sorry, but do give yourself time. Do know your Mom was failing more and more at home, and now she is failing more and more in a facility; this may be the path now, there is seldom a path back from all this. So you are now in the adjustment stage. Try to be gentle with yourself about giving yourself time. It was a good 6 months I was sunk in depression so bad that I curled up in a fetal position sometimes in bed, just believing I would never be happy again. This is the end of her life and it is a sad end, and no, it isn't about "deserving", has nothing to do with that. There will be times you will be depressed and need a good cry. Let yourself, and then go on with life. At the end of 6 months things started to get better for me, and I could again recognize what is good in life. There is nothing that can make this easier. If your Mom is failing, as you say, then do know that living like this is not really living, but a torment. For her and for everyone who must be witness to her pain. I am so sorry. I wish her peace and you as well.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You’ve absolutely done the best for your mom, please reread the second paragraph you typed, it confirms that your mom is where she needs to be for care and safety. Has her doctor been asked if there are any meds that will help to calm her? Have you considered if your visits may be upsetting your mother and not allowing her to settle in? If that’s a possibility I’d encourage you to still visit, but from a distance for a while, don’t let her know you’re there, see that she’s safe and well and leave. Check in with the staff for info on how things are. Most of all, know you’ve done well in rotten circumstances