Have you ever given up your power of attorney due to the stress that it caused you?

I had POA for my mother in the State of CA, then in OR, where she had been moved to near my brother, next in line POA. After two months, I turned it over to him and his wife. I also have a high functioning disability that made me get burned out after caring for her for over one year from several falls at our CA residence. So, my brother took all decisions for about the last 15 months of Mom's life. My best advice is to have a backup in place, with two, possibly more, in case a POA member does not work out.

A few years ago my parents had me as next in line for medical POA-after they are primary POA for each other. My son was diagnosed with a serious illness. I took some time out for a few months to process and have my daily cry about what was happening to my son. My mom took the time out to mean that I would not do anything for them-as i had been before-dr. appointments, errands, etc. I was shocked to learn of the legal changes parents made way after the fact-when new dr. was asking for copy of POA. I was shocked that parents never discussed making changes etc. before they took action-was about 3 months after they had updated original papers from 20 years prior, to have me as next in line as i am most involved in their medical life I live in the same county. Now, They have assigned brother who lives in NY-he is not going to be closely involved in their medical life from 1000 miles away. BTW i continued to do most everything i did before-driving to dr. RX, setting appointments etc. In fact my dad has been in the hospital 3 times since January. I have been there every time every day, taking mom to see dad. I started keeping track of the time i spend with them -3-4 hours a week, not counting hospital time=20 more hours each week when in the hospital.

Eventually, I got over it-just one of many emotional daggers thrown my way from my mother. Now that i am primary POA for sis with dementia I can not handle any more from my parents anyway I am glad now that I won't have to do or make any decisions for them-free taxi service-i do not offer advice for anything medical. Mom says something to me recently about the POA-I say I am not on your papers-I am not the one to make these decisions etc for you any more. Mom seems to have forgotten about the legal changes they made.

Mom gave me medical POA so I could do all of the work of caregiving. I surrendered everything. I burned out. Did not have any other POA because I was the only girl. I never rated as high as my brothers according to my sexist mom. I was only good enough to be her servant. That is how it began to feel. Men have all the power! They should make the important decisions! Okay, then...count me out!

I have crappy siblings. I have a mom that favors her sons over me because she would not accept the boundaries I set. She ran to them and told stories out of context. She was passive aggressive in her approach. My brothers refused to hear my side of things. They were condescending and patronizing. We were never close to begin with due to various reasons.

Nope, having medical POA wasn’t worth it! I gave up! I did more than my share after caring for mom for 15 years in my home. They pushed me too far.

So I dumped it all in their laps. I checked out! Went no contact for my own sanity. Regrets? No! I did what I had to do. My mom’s doctors praised my caregiving. I know that I did my very best but could not avoid burning out after so many years of doing it all alone.

I feel relief. I miss the concept of a family but never had a healthy relationship with siblings. God knows that I tried to have healing and build a good relationship with all of them. We can’t control or change anyone else. We are only responsible for our own actions. My brothers were never there for mom. Used her for free meals and money. Families sometimes become dysfunctional and complicated. Sorry that you are struggling in your family. Many of us have had family issues too.

Best wishes to you. Take care. Be at peace. I hope you find joy in the near future.

As her POA you can sell it for her care if written like that in her financial POA. You can use her money for the care of her property. You are not obligated to do anything physically for her. What ur responsible for is making sure her bills are paid. You use none of ur own money. When her money is gone then u apply for Medicaid for her care. Medical, you carry out her wishes.

I would not give up the POAs. She cannot assign someone else if suffering from a Dementia. So I wouldn't give them up. Just change what ur doing. I would turn off what I could. Like phone and cable. Have a timer to turn electric on and off. I had the living room light come on and a car in the driveway so it looked like someone was living there. I turned the heat down to 55. I unplugged the stove, frig and small appliances.

Its just a waste of time and money keeping a house going. Take what you want and let the others take what they want. One less thing you will have to clean out. You will need to sell the house at Market Value so have an appraiser look at it. This is just in case Medicaid is ever involved. Sell it "as is". Then u have to do no work on it. The money spent on taxes and upkeep could go to Moms care.

There can be a middle ground between carrying everything on your own and giving up altogether, HIRE people to do the work. Yes, it costs money but allowing the state to take over would cost more and as Grandma 1954 has pointed out it would take all control away too.

My (step)Daughter and I were co-Guardians for her dad. It became a lot for her with her family and kids. So she withdrew. BUT I was still Guardian.
In your case who would become POA? If a sibling would not do it you might have the option of having the State step in and become your mothers Guardian if that is done you nor anyone in the family will have any say as to what happens to your mom. They could transfer her at anytime to any place in the state.
This is a matter that you might want to discuss with the Attorney that drew up the papers to begin with. Or better consult with an Elder Care Attorney if the first one does not specialize in Elder Care Law.

This is an important fact to consider before anyone agrees to become POA for Finances or Health or becomes a Guardian. It is not always easy, it can be stressful and it can be time consuming.