My mother is fine when I visit alone but if I go with anyone else, she is rude to (and about) me. Any suggestions as to how to deal?

Ha ha! Where would we be without them?

She is scared. Losing control, losing the ability to control her environment, and other factors.... That is totally understandable.

she wasn't like this when you two were younger. If you can take her out,, that may be okay and good. So I found out the hard way with my brother. He couldn't tell the difference between a spoon and a fork.... :( Or, was this my mom? I forget... They both had it.. I lost them to close together... My oldest sibling says I am next... Oh well, it doesn't matter, we don't talk much.
And if that's the case... GIVE ME TREATS. MUSIC, AND let us dance !!! I can't dance,, but if I come down with EARLY ALZ, ETC... I will not care if I miss the beat... Let's dance .. :) Enjoy the time with mom... And if she gets cranky.. it's time to say, LOVE YOU MOM... See you tomorrow :) Give her a kiss on the cheek... It will be ok.

There was another issue on the site... Mom didn't want to see her husband or their daughter// they were very close.. Issues were considered on this site that perhaps, mom didn't want to see her LO's suffer... or vs.
When you do visit...make it about love.. music, dancing.. what makes her happy?
She may not want to see someone unhappy.. What was one of her favorite past times, if you know? Bring in photos, music, dance..FOOD.. FUN FOOD. AND TREATS!!! Any favorite treats she made with your kids in her home or yours?
Lighten up a bit if you can.. She sees you the most... Make it happy bring her milkshakes etc... Do bring in your kids, but make it fun for everyone. Even if it's for 5 minutes... Make it fun.. make it short.. I am learning a lil bit too late..

fun and short do not force anyone to say anything to anyone... Let nature take its course.. If no one wants to hug, or say hello... then let it go.. if not today, perhaps tomorrow... music, dance, and fun food.. Who can ask for more? Once mom gets crabby and shows distain,,, say I LOVE U MOM... see you in a couple days.

REMEMBER::::: ::::::: DO NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY... YOU ARE LOVED MORE THAN YOU KNOW!!!! THIS FEELING IS GOING BOTH WAYS... IT'S HARD ON HER TOO. TRULY...all of you are on a path.. amends need to be made. sometimes silently., understand she loves you.. Period...

I would at this point only visit alone, and I would inform family of why. Without anger or animus. Just letting them know that it is likely a manifestation of her disease, but that you find it hurtful and disturbing despite knowing that, and that -- realistically-- breaking up the visits gives her more quality time. Then see your family on your own for a peaceful dinner out or some such. Good luck.

I know this behavior. It wasn’t related to dementia though. It was related to someone who had bipolar disorder. She’s deceased now but when she was married she would start a fight in front of others to get the reaction of an audience.

It made me incredibly uncomfortable and I left. I also told her that I would never be an audience for her behavior which was degrading to her husband.

The thrill for her was having others witness her outburst. I would leave if I were you.

I’m sorry that you have dealt with this. It’s hurtful. I can’t speak to how it’s related to dementia but others who are knowledgeable of this in your situation will be able to help you.

Best wishes to you and your mom.