My Mother’s “Boyfriend” is taking her money. He is married to someone else in another state. Elderly abuse won’t help.

I am so touched that so many people offered their kinds thoughts and advice to my questions. I have never been on a site like this frankly I did not know they existed. Thank you so much. At this point my mother has cut off all communications with her three daughters, I suspect at the urging of her "boyfriend". The Elder Abuse Center here in our town claim they can and will help but can do nothing without my mother's support. I believe there is "another women" , not this man's wife that is also involved with this man, she is 79. I am contacting her children in hopes of soliciting their help. I don't want to go directly to this woman in case her "love is blind" as is my mother's. Perhaps her children can help. Additionally, this man gave my mother a gun. I went to the police and they tried to retrieve it from my mother but she had hidden it at another location. This situation is insane. My sister's and I are 65+ years old and have never seen our mother act this way. The attorneys I have called are only interested in institutional abuse not financial abuse especially with my mother being viewed as competent. Apparently making bad decisions is not incompetent.

I think the question is undue influence rather than competency, which I've learned (the hard way) is more difficult to prove but possible. Don't let him know your cards. Maybe have a talk privately with your mother and let her know that if your suspicions are correct and she does not take precautions, you may not be able to help her when needed. We can't pay for family member's bad choices. Who takes her to doctor's visits? Are you involved with her care? You can always send a letter of your concerns to her primary doctor so there is a record with a professional who may be able to intervene the concern as a third party. Good luck and stay sane.

I don't believe it's against any laws to give money away to a man who's considered to be a boyfriend. Regardless of whether he's married, no good, good, average, intelligent or the dumbest person on earth! And this guy is no dummy if he's been able to bamboozle $100K so far out of your elderly mother. Yes, it's elderly abuse, but since she's been deemed 'competent', it's up to HER what she does with her money. Unfortunately. You have no say in that. I'm sure she will continue to isolate herself, at HIS urging, so that he can continue milking her out of the rest of her life savings. She feels like he loves her..........and love is blind, deaf AND dumb, especially in this instance. Unless you can move in with her, or have her move in with you, get financial POA for her affairs, I don't believe you have ANY say in ANY of this.

What a shame. I hope karma is real and that this hustler will pay for the crime he's truly committing here. I'm sorry you are going through such a thing and I'm doubly sorry that your poor mother is being swindled by a con man she believes is in love with her. Very sad situation.

Oh my goodness, that is robbery! Get yourself a lawyer PRONTO and go after this jerk!!! If you cannot afford a lawyer, then check with your local law school who may have an elder care legal clinic that could take your case pro bono. This person is obviously stealing from your vulnerable mother. Everything about this situation is very shady.

If you are certain he is married to someone else then why don't you consult a lawyer regarding bigamy laws? Maybe a little money spent on a private detective to find out if this is true? This is not a police matter, but a civil matter hence you need to work through a P.I. to gather evidence and hire a lawyer but I think only your mom can press charges since she's the victim. Does your mother know he's "married" to someone else? If you can truly prove this guy is already married your mom *might* listen to you. Or she might not. Eventually he will drain all her money and assets and then abandon her and she may not even qualify for Medicaid because of how he is taking her money "legally". Once the money is gone there is no way to recoup it, even if your mom is not competent and this man is breaking the law and he's convicted for it. I have also read your profile and you have more than one dumpster fire raging, so I understand if this just seems like too much but you did ask for advice so I assume you're looking to help your mom? And I certainly hope that you can!!

I am so sorry and giving away her money will impact her care in the future. She will not be able to get Medicaid.

Do you have siblings. If so, this needs to be their problem at this point. You have enough on ur plate with hubby.

I just read your profile.

Can I offer a virtual back rub?

Between your husband and your mother, I'm not sure anyone could blame you if you packed your bags, said "to h*ll with both of you!" and went off on a world tour to find yourself.

Your mother's boyfriend no doubt flatters her and makes her feel good (he'll go on doing so until she runs out of cash). You, by contrast, pull her up on points of reality and make her feel afraid and depressed. I don't see how you can win.

Social media? Have you been able to find out if he is preying on anyone else?

The only consolation for you meanwhile is that, delusion or not, your 86 year old mother with all her difficulties is having a nice time. In a way, it would be a mercy if she went to her grave never having been disillusioned.

What will you do when she runs out of money and runs into health and care problems? Any idea? It might be no bad thing to work out the worst case scenario - better than just worrying with no information to go on.

If your mom is competent, she is allowed to make her own rotten decisions.

Sit down and make it clear to her (type it out and have her sign it) that you will be unavailable to help her with care if she gives away her money. Show her the documented prices of home health care and Assisted Living facilities in her area.

I would be tough and make it a choice between this low life and her loving child.