What do you do when 82 yr old parent is refusing all food and medicine at the hospital? He won’t listen to me or anyone.

Dad called me to come get him because he couldn’t swallow and could not live on his own. He also was diagnosed with adult failure to thrive. My husband & I brought him here to live with us 1 month ago -2/3/2020. (I am permanently partially disabled and hubby takes care of me.)

Since we brought him here to live with us, Dad has been hospitalized for 3 intermittent weeks with not being able to swallow and with impacted bowels. (He had blocked bowels 2 times last year while living independently.) The doctors told him he needed a feed tube or he was eventually going to die of severe bowel impaction, which is what he has had. His colon was also very swollen.

He agreed to have the feed tube and then refused the feed tube 3 times as they were bringing him to the OR. He told me & everyone I was trying to kill him because I wanted him to have the feed tube (and live).

Now dad just had his bowels disimpacted again 5 days ago. Then, the doctor talked to him alone and called me to let me know he agreed and they put the tube in him. It has now been 3 days since he has had the feed tube.

However, last night and this morning the hospital called me & stated he is now refusing meals and medicine and he wants to die. He has a DNR. The hospital has told him (and so have I) that he only needed a feed tube to supplement his meals and he would resume health.

He only has conditions endemic to most people his age. Everything is controlled by prescription medicine. The doctor said they don’t install feeding tubes in dying patients. I don’t know what to do. I tell him that I want to take walks with him. I remind him that we (me, my husband, my brother, & sister) want him to live and that between us, he has 4 grandchildren 12 great grandchildren and a lot of friends, and family that want him to live. I don’t know what else to do.