Christian perspectives on distance caregiving?

That’s a great answer from Sendhelp. If your mother is in her 70s and healthy, she may be quite happy living where she is. She may like the area, have several friends she sees often etc etc. If she is happy there, she has no real incentive to move, and there is no need to go to her. As she gets older, there may be less going for her there. Then your company will offer more, and it’s up to her to move to you. Let her work out the balance. There is no need for you to feel bad if she prefers to stay where she is. I'm in my 70s and pretty healthy, and I would not react well to my daughter telling me that I need to move to be closer to her!

You need to tell Mom that you moving near her is not an option. So, if she is not willing to move near you she needs to start researching resources in her area. Making sure all her ducks are in a row. Assign someone near her for her POAs, get her Will together and her important papers. It will be hard being a POA 800 miles away.

Because your relationship is not great, I would not consider being her Caregiver in the future. Its hard enough to care for someone you have a good relationship with worse when you don't. You may want to tell her that now. "Mom, I will help in anyway I can but please don't expect me to be your caregiver 24/7."

What we owe our parents is a clean, safe place where they get good care. If thats an AL or LTC then so be it. We should not have to give up jobs and family. Husbands and children are #1 to parents. Once we have left the nest we leave our parents. Its time to spread our wings. Yes, parents should still be part of our lives but they should not expect us to be their Caregivers.

"We" means that you are married and have a family.
A christian perspective tells you to leave your parents (also meaning to stop your dependency on them), and to cleave to each other.
As parents age, you keep your undivided loyalties to husband and wife. Your parent's dependence upon you is also not a good thing.
However, you have done well inviting your Mum to live nearer to you. A senior independent living or AL might work when she is ready. She doesn't sound ready. She will manage, until she won't anymore, and can decide to move nearer to you. It is her decision. She may have unmet wants, and even needs, but should not be looking for you to meet them. This works itself out after a time.

Five years, and I know a parent still unwilling to relocate. She has help, caregivers, and friends helping. Wow, were we about to be brought in to meet needs she was able to meet herself, (in our case). Our marriage would not have survived, because the parent is a narccisist.



You say she is healthy. Wait 9-10 years and ask your question again.