This behavior started a few months ago. Initially, when I would mention his death (which she remembers) she would momentarily bounce back to reality and cover with “I guess I don’t want to believe he’s not alive.” It’s now gotten to be a 24/7 obsession and although she knows he’s dead, she also has strong delusions of him sleeping in her bed or seeing him at dinner. I cannot even tell white lies because she is angry that he left without leaving a note. It’s gotten so bad she now waits up all night near the door waiting for him to come home. I’m not sleeping and I’m at wits end on how to deal with this.
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The goal is entirely focused on her comfort, so whatever you think would comfort her is fine.
If she has been diagnosed with dementia, neither you nor she are really able to know what she knows or doesn’t know at any given moment, so you have to be prepared to turn on a dime to provide comfort whatever turn she takes.
If her doctor isn’t aware that this is happening it’s something he or she should be told. A trial of medication may be needed.
Hope you will be able to work through this with her.
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Imagine what would provide you comfort if your dear spouse abandoned you because, in her mind, that is what has actually happened.
Maybe say, "Dad will be back tomorrow. He misses you so much. He's furious that he had to be away."
Continuously reminding a dementia sufferer that their loved one is dead is torture. Imagine getting that news over and over again.
My older sister were letting her know at first they had passed.
But I have found that if we let her know there doing fine it eases her mind a bit..they are in Montreal mom...its snowing up there now...yes l will do that,,,let's ask them to come visit after the weather clears up.
She will then start talking about her dad working in shoes factory repairing machines,,,how her mom does not speech French,,,she her long term memories are stories I will listen to over and over... )
But every day I will knock and introduce myself as Patty your daughter, and Dolce my dog. She loves my dog.
Redirecting and and telling her this is what we are going to do this now helps her to keep moving through the days.
She is in a home for her safety, we communicate with her through phone, facetime, letters and she loves to talk...if she is not talking we know something is up...
I know you will find away that works for your mom, good luck.
You do need to get your own rest.
I don't know if this is ethical, but it's certainly love.